Joke of the Day

alynabest

sper sa numai fi fost bancul meu :D ...dak da, sorry :p

shukaru_pity

Intra celebrul James Bond intr-un bar. Se duce la super tipa care statea singura la o masa. Se aseaza si ii spune in stilul sau caracteristic:
- Bond..., James Bond.
La care tipa:
- Off..., F**k off!

25

- What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.

- What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.

- What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?
Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.

************

A hamster and a rat were sitting on the side of a swimming pool. They were enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat turned to the hamster and asked him:
Dude,

How come people consider me a noisance, and you a pet?
How come people pay money to have you, while they are trying to kill me?
How come you are considered a cute little animal, while I am considered creepy and disgusting?
How come you live in a warm home, and I have to stay in the sewer?

So the hamster answered: "It is branding, dude."

:)))

*****************

To do is to be. Socrate
To be is to do. Aristotel
Do be do be do. Sinatra

25

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them:
- It's a illegala to put a cinque people in a Quattro.
- Vot do you mean it's illegal? asks the German driver.
- Quattro meansa four, replies the Italian official.
- Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile!, the German says unbelievingly. Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons.
- You canta puta thata one on me!, replies the Italian customs officer. Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people in a car and you are breaking the law.
- I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence zupervisor over!
- Sorry. He can'ta come righta know. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.

25

Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says: Your money or your life!
An extremely long silence follows. Your money or your life!, the thug repeats. Finally Benny says: I am thinking!

*******
The truth about working in the IT industry:

1. We work weird (night) shifts...
Just like prostitutes.
2. They pay you to make the client happy...
Just like a prostitute.
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny...
Just like a prostitute.
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
Just like a prostitute.
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...
Just like a prostitute.
6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be perfectly groomed...
Just like a prostitute.
7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from hell...
Just like a prostitute.

25

8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible things from you...
Just like a prostitute.
9. When people ask you about your job, you have difficulties to explain it...
Just like a prostitute.
10. Everyday when you wake up, you say: "I'm not going to spent the rest of my life doing this."
Just like a prostitute. ...


=))))))))) =)))))))))) =)))))))))

************

A man goes into a lawyer's office and says:
- I heard people have sued the tobacco companies for giving them lung cancer, and McDonald's for making them fat.
The lawyer says:
- Yes, that's true.
The man says:
- Well, I'm interested in suing too.
The lawyer says:
- Okay, McDonald's, or the tobacco companies?
The man says:
- Neither, I'm suing Budweiser for all the ugly people I've slept with.

:)))))))
;)))))))));
:))))))))))))))))))))

*********

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

:)))))) :))))))) LMAOOOOOOOOOO =))))))))))))








enjoy :)

a`real`fan

bun banc shukaru :)))))))

NU

Slabutze bancurile. Sper sa mai apara unele mai bune.

NU

25 ai pus cel mai bun banc si ai votu meu. Cel mai bun d pana acu. Chiar dka il stiu e cel ami bun.

iuli09

bv asd bancul tau mi se pare cel mai bun desi azi e concurenta mare!!!

danutza

I: Ce e optimistul?
R: Un barbat care, inainte de a pleca la prima intalnire cu o fata, isi unge fermuarul de la pantaloni.

I: Ce indica cravata la un barbat?
R: Terenul de joc...

danutza

Citeste-le cat de repede poti... ;))


Capra crapa piatra-n patru, piatra crapa piatra-n patru

Eu pup poala popii, popa pupa poala mea

Sase sasi in sase saci

Pili-as cu pila lunga, pila-n punga, punga-n pila

Triedru tridreptunghic

Agatati-ai poamele calului de poalele podului

Un vultur sta pe-un pisc c-un pix in plisc

If a shipshape shipshop stocks six shishape shop-soiled ships, how many shipshape shop-soiled ships would six shipshape ship shops stock?

A noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, a peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Three tree toads tied together tried to trot to town.

danutza

Amidst the mists and coldest frosts, with barest wrists and stoutest boasts, he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts

Betty bought some butter, 'but' she said, 'this butter's bitter' and a bit of better butter would make a better butter. So she bought a bit of butter better than the bitter butter and it made her butter better, so it was that Betty bought a bit of better butter

Two witches had two watches. Which watch did which witch watch?
A tutor who tooted a flute tried to teach two teachers to toot. Said the two to the tutor 'is it harder to toot or tutor two tutors to toot?

Sheila uttered a sharp shrill shriek and shrunked from the shrivelled form that slumbered in the shadows.

I slit the sheets. The sheets I slit are on the slitted sheets I slit.

asd

Un sot nu mai putea face sex cu sotia din cauza celor3 copii si se hotaraste sa gaseasca o solutie:
- Mai copii!..striga el pe boraci
- Da tata!
- Hai sa ne jucam si noi de-a capra cu trei iezi!
- Pai cum?
- Uite-asa: eu sunt lupu', voi sunteti iezii, iai maica-ta capra! Fugiti, ca daca va prind va mananc!(si boracii o rup la fuga)
Atat i-a trebuit lu' asta ca s-a si urcat pe nevasta-sa. Tarziu, il vad ei pe mezin care privea stupefiat scena..
- Ce cauti ma aici?..ti-am spus sa te ascunzi!
-Pai ba tata, in poveste, din cate stiu io, lupu' manca iezii nu i-o tragea caprei!!!...

rodex

astazi a fost greu sa votez....daca se putea ...dadeam jumatate de vot lui shukaru_pity si jumatate lui Claudyu04...bune ambele bancuri!

Convulsie

Cateva perle ale domnului George W. Bush:
"Marea majoritate a importurilor noastre provin din afara tarii."

"Daca nu vom reusi, riscam sa dam gres."

"Suntem gata pentru orice eveniment neprevazut care poate sau nu sa se produca."

"Pentru NASA, spatiul este inca prioritatea numarul unu."

"Nu poluarea este cea care ne distruge mediul inconjurator. Impuritatile din aer si din apa il distrug."

"Problema francezilor este ca nu au un cuvant pentru `entrepreneur`."

Convulsie

Adevarat:un elev prost rezolva la tabla un exercitiu la matematica;atat de prost era ca ii dicta profu'.in final ii da PI (3,14) pe 1.elevul nu stia rezultatul...profu'incearca totusi" hai..cat iti da??.."asta...nimic,nu stia!!pana la urma se enerveaza profu' si urla:"pi*da    ma,pi*da!"  (pi iti da)    .... offf... cenzura asta

shukaru_pity

din cate vad azi e concurenta mare :))
bune bancuri :D

shukaru_pity

Femeia merge in piata de animale. Vrea sa faca o suprinza sotului.
- Buna ziua, doamna!
- Buna ziua, as dori un papagal.
- Din pacate, doar un singur papagal avem. Adevarat ca pana acum a trait la un bordel, dar este foarte dragut.
Femeia il cumpara. Acasa il acopera si isi asteapta sotul iubit. Sotul ajunge acasa, intra in camera, sotia ia bucata de carpa de pe colivie. Papagalul se uita jur imprejur si spune:
- Hm... camera noua, hm... pat nou, hm... coorva noua. Salut, Gheorghe!

shukaru_pity

- Cum te numesti? intreaba medicul
- Popopa Mamamarin.
- Esti balbait?
- Nu, tata era balbait, iar ala care mi-a scris certificatul era un cretin.

dnlac

Lupu il prinde pe iepuras:
- Drace, te-am prins si pentru toate glumele care mi le-ai facut de-a lungul anilor ai s-o patesti groaznic....cu cat moartea ta va fi mai lunga si mai chinuitoare cu atat mai mult carnea ta va fi mai gustoasa, hahahaaa.....
- Bine, lupule, dar macar mai am dreptul al o ultima dorinta?....toti condamnatii la moarte au, chiar si cei mai periculosi.....
- Zi! Care e?
- Vreau sa mai dansez un ultim vals....
- Bine, ma, chiar mie mi-a placut intotdeauna sa dansez...  Si i-a dat drumul sa danseze
Iepurasul se pune pe dansat, intoarcere dreapta, spin, pivotari, pivotari ...running si tzusti dispare in tufisuri....
Lupul scarbit privind in gol:
- Ce coregrafie de rahat!

Claudyu04

- Ce e mai rau sa fii negru sau homosexual?
- Sa fii homosexual. Negrii nu trebuie sa le marturiseasca parintilor ca sunt negri...

Un betiv intra intr-o biserica catolica si se duce direct la confesare. Intra in cabina si nu zice nimc. Popa, nedumerit, isi drege vocea incercand sa-i atraga atentia omului. Asta nimic. Dupa un timp, bate popa de 3 ori in peretele despartitor, la care betivul raspunde:
- N-are rost sa bati, nici eu nu mai am hartie.

V|p3r_m3n

tari bancurile de azi :)) in speciaL cel al zilei :))

crystin4

Cele 10 porunci ale unui adolescent

1. Sa nu te furisezi afara din casa cand parintii dorm
(ce rost are sa astepti atat?!)
2. Sa nu te droghezi
(efectul alcoolului dureaza mai mult si sa nu mai vb ca e mai ieftin)
3. Sa nu furi din Billa
(La carrefour oferta esta mai diversificata)
4. Sa nu fii aretat pt acte de vandalism
(ditrugerea are efect mai mare)
5. Sa nu furi de la parinti
(toata lumea stia ca bunica are mai multi bani)
6. Sa nu te implici in batai
(tu doar sa incepi bataia si lasa-i pe prosti sa isi care pumni)
7. Sa nu chiulesti
(Ia-ti o zi intreaga libera)
8. Sa nu faci striptease in clasa
(La un bar de noapte primesti si bani)
9. Sa nu te gandesti la sex
(Cum spune si Nike... just do it)
10. Sa nu ajuti babele sa treaca strada
(Doar lasa-le pe mijloc)

Claudyu04

Esti betiv atunci cand:
1. Ai discutii in contradictoriu cu obiectele din jur si mai si pierzi.
2. Trebuie sa te tii de asfalt ca sa nu cazi de pe trotuar.
3. Serviciul te impiedica sa bei destul.
4. Doctorul tau gaseste sange in alcool la analize.
5. Scaunul de la WC se loveste repetat si cu inversunare de capul tau.
6. Ajungi sa crezi ca alcoolul e una dintre grupele de alimente.
7. 24 de ore pe zi, 24 de beri intr-o lada - coincidenta? S-o crezi tu!
8. Doua maini si doar o gura - asta chiar ca e o problema cu bautura.
9. Vezi mai bine daca tii un ochi inchis.
10.Nenorocita aia de parcare s-a mutat mai incolo cand erai tu la carciuma.
11. Cazi de pe podea.
12. Pe baietii tai ii cheama Tuborg si Heineken.
13. Auzi, stii ce, da-o-ncolo de masa de seara, 5 beri fac cat o friptura.