Bancul Zilei

La 25 de ani de la casatorie , cu ocazia nuntii de argint , sotul isi duce sotia intr-o excursie romantica  , in niste insule uitate de lume si situate in afara rutelor de navigatie .
- Vai dragule ! E splendid ! E incantator ! Daca acum , la 25 de ani de la casatorie mi-ai facut asa o surpriza , oare la aniversarea de 50 de ani ce o sa faci ?
- Atunci vin sa te iau de aici !

Doi tineri se casatoresc. In noaptea nuntii toate rudele asteapta ca ei sa arate cearceaful care sa ateste puritatea sotiei. Dar cum cei doi consumasera mai demult actul, se aflau acum intr-o mare incurcatura. Nevasta sugereaza sa dea cu vopsea cearceaful ca sa ii pacaleasca pe nuntasi. Numai ca singura vopsea pe care o gasesc in camera este de culoare verde. Disperati, folosesc vopseaua si mirele scoate cearceaful pe balcon. Toti nuntasii raman inmarmuriti numai unul striga:
- Bravo, ma, i-ai spart fierea!!

Inainte de '89 un tip se plimba prin parc, cand deodata scapa un partz tocmai intr-un loc unde era mai multa lume. Vizibil rusinat se uita el in laturi pe unde sa spele putina..dar toata lumea se aduna repede in jurul lui.. -Stiu..zice nu-i frumos , va rog sa ma scuzati.. -Lasa asta.. da zi-ne si noua unde ai gasit fasole?

Un violonist intr-o orchestra. Inceput sa cante si, deodata, vede ca i se scoala p**a. Se gandeste ce sa faca si se duce la doctor, si ii zice:
-Dom'le doctor, eu cand cant la vioara mi se scoala p**a; Doctorul ii zice:
-Ia canta putin;
Canta asta si ... i se scoala si lui si doctorului. La doctorul zice:
- Ori p**** noastre sunt melomane, ori tu canti ca o pi***.

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?