Bancul Zilei

Mrs.Raisa

>:D<

Diabolick

Ce cere un negru într-o cofetărie? O negresă!

Benu

:*:*:*:*:*

maryjan

neatza

Gabri_el

Mergea linistit trenul pe calea ferata si brusc o ia la dreapta.
Iese de pe calea ferata si o ia prin aratura, porumb, cartofi, lucerna, iar porumb, padure, cartofi, iar lucerna si iese inapoi la calea ferata si merge mai departe. Pasagerii socati, se duc la mecanic sa vada care-i treaba. Intrebat de cele intamplate, mecanicul le raspunde:
- Era unul la vreo 200 m, care se **** pe calea ferata, ce era sa fac?!
Pasagerii :
-Trebuia sa-l calci, in ***** ma-sii !
Mecanicul:
-Pai abia in lucerna l-am ajuns!!!

Gabri_el

Viata noastra sexuala era atat de intensa, incat dupa actul sexual chiar si vecinii fumau!

codrul

o dimineata cat mai placuta cu si fara...bancuri! cei care "bancuiti" cu mine o sa va simtiti revigorati asa ca...pe ei si pe mama lor...ptiu drace, ce am eu cu mama lor? cum sa ma duc eu la mama ei...cand ea e...nu, e clar. am oarece probleme...de exprimare ca sanatos sunt...asa cred. va pup fetelor!

Gabri_el

Pentru fete: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ft0RjJmTSo
Pentru ca baieti vor sa vada doar femei care se dezbraca atat de repede :))))

codrul

- Dumneata esti noua dactilografa?
- Da, domnule.
- Ce masina preferi?
- Pai...Mercedes!!

codrul

La dentist...
- Trebuie sa-ti pun o placa, spune doctorul.
- Da' sa fie cu Irina Loghin!

codrul

- La mine in casa canta cocosul. Eu am intdeauna ultimul cuvant.
- Dar ce spui?
- Da, mandro!

codrul

Ion si Maria noaptea in pat...
Mariei ii vine chef de prostii, si nu stie cum sa-i spuna lui Ion.
-Ma, Ioane, mie mi-e cam frig!
-Ia, fa, patura asta...
-Ma, Ioane, mie mi-e tot frig!
-Ia, fa, si plapuma...
Vazand ca nu se prinde Ion, Maria ii spuse:
-Ma Ioane, stii, am si eu o gaura....
-Vezi fa, pe acolo te trage curentu'...

Mrs.Raisa

Spre fericirea mea, am ultime semne de buna purtare din Romania :)) 2 vanatai + m-am ars la mana cu fierul de calcat :))))

Efe

(:|

Irinutzzaa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5aNXa3lEhU&NR=1
Asta DA magie :))

Benu

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it...

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

I politely said,
'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!'
And hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole...

Benu

... too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is.'

I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house And the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?'

He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said, 'Yes?'

I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said, 'Hello'

I said, 'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah!'

He screamed, 'Stop calling me'

I said, 'Make me.'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax, a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, 'Hello?'

I said, 'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass'

I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .
...

Benu

...
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

Benu

Check For Alzheimers

The following Alzheimers test was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a single mistake. The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is keep cat.

6. This is an cat.

7. This is old cat.

8. This is fart cat.

9. This is busy cat.

10. This is for cat.

11. This is forty cat.

12. This is seconds cat.


Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.

codrul

Gyovy povestea unui prieten:
-Am avut un cosmar aseara...visam ca eram pe o insula pustie,impreuna cu Storm...
-Pai asta-i cosmar...?
-Da, pentru ca eu eram...Codru!!!

codrul

Sa nu faci niciodata dragoste in gradina din spatele casei; dragostea poate fi oarba, dar vecinii tai nu sunt.

codrul

Sexul este unul din cele 9 motive ale reincarnarii. Celelate 8 nu sunt importante.

codrul

Sexul nu ingrasa...ati auzit fetelor?

codrul

- Este adevarat ca in viata trebuie sa-ti invingi inamicul cu propriile lui arme ?
- Sunteti un copil, stimate domn ! Ati incercat sa purtati vreodata... sutien sau portjartier?

codrul

diferenta dintre o blonda si un butoi...
− Blonda e mai buna goala iar butoiul e mai bun plin.

codrul

nu-mi ramane decat sa va salut ca de pupat nu va lasati... pupate! o zi cat mai buna!

STORM

=))) tare bancul, Gabri_el :)))

BeeBee

pufoshenie, bancul tau a mai fost bancul zilei! http://www.diseara.ro/ro/fun/bancuri/bancul-zilei-2008-10-17.html. poti propune alt banc!

nikko

Storm :(

_undo

buna seara popor
pufuleeeeeti, colaaaa, pupiiiiiiiici
proaspeti si gratis

gyovy

Am pupici! :D
Dar numa' pentru Codru! :)))