Bancul Zilei

maryjan

neata

HAIDUCUL1

- Mama, striga Alinuta, vino repede, tata a cazut in decantor pana la glezne!
- Si ce strigi asa? se supara maica-sa. Daca-i pana la glezne iese singur !
- Iese pe *****', ca a cazut cu capul in jos!

maryjan

Intr-o zi ajunge Maria tarziu acasa de la serviciu. Ion:
- Unde-ai fost, Marie?
- La caminu’ coltoral, e un curs unde invat sa vorbesc elevat.
A doua seara, ajunge Maria si mai tarziu, dupa ora 10 seara. Ion, nervos:
- Marie, unde-ai fost?
- Nu ti-am spus, Ioane, la caminu’ coltoral… Invat sa vorbesc elevat.
A treia seara ajunge Maria acasa dupa miezul noptii. Ion:
- Sa nu-mi spui ca iar ai fost la caminul cultural…
- Ba da, Ioane, nu ti-am spus?
Ion, banuitor:
- Ma, Marie, voi va fu*eti acolo!
La care Maria:
- Indubitabil!

fara_cont

Went golfing with my Grandpa yesterday...
We were on the 12th hole and I hit my tee shot a bit to the left. When we got to my ball there was a big 40ft tree right in my way and I was just going to hit around it when my grandpa chimed in:
"Ya know, when I was your age I could hit it right up and over that tree"
Well not to be outdone my ego took over and I grabbed my 9 iron to hit it right over that tree. I took my shot and THWACK the ball hit dead center of the tree and bounced back 30 yards behind me. That's when he chimes in again:
"Of course when I was your age that tree was only 2 feet tall!"

fara_cont

I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me.
It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was Bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate she never did it around anyone else.
One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.
She was alone when I arrived, she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me and she couldn't overcome them anymore. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.
She said "Before you commit your life to my sister". Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said. "If you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire ****** family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'My Son, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family my son.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.