Joke of the Day

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Femeile obisnuiesc sa stea ore intregi in fata oglinzii sa se imbrace, spre deosebire de barbati, carora nu le ia decat un minut...
Sa le dezbrace.

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Atat de false sunt unele persoane, ca pana si Mos Craciun pare mai real decat ele.

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- Cum ți-e viața?
- Pe placul muștelor.

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"Nu mai pot, m-am saturat, gata! Te parasesc!" imi zise nevasta-mea.
In sfarsit...am vazut-o si eu o data pe ea satula!

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Dintotdeauna mi-am dorit sa am o relatie normala cu prietena mea.
Insa ea mi-a intors fundul de fiecare data...

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Ma duc ieri in piata Dorobanti, sa cumpar un brad...
- Cat costa un brad la dumneavoastra? il intreb pe un vanzator.
- 500 de lei, mi-a raspuns.
- De ce atat de mult?!...
- Pai, vezi matale...imi zise el, astia-s numa' de firma!

maryjan

neata

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A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

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My physics teacher said i have potential...then pushed me down the stairs.

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" ?
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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Today, I played God.
I saw a bug, suffering. I watched it for a couple of minutes. Then I kept watching, and watching, and watching...

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The average age of a paedophile's victim is said to be eleven years old. The average age of a paedophile is said to be thirty six years old.
Which co-incidently are the average ages of a newly wed Muslim couple.

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It looks like in children's hospitals, care homes, and mental institutions, Christmas will be cancelled due to the fact they don't want another man with white hair to come in and empty his sack.

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-Tu ce cauți de obicei, într-o relație?
-Ieșirea...

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Cu cat ai mai multe kilograme, cu atat scad sansele sa fii rapita.
Ramai in siguranta, consuma cat mai multa ciocolata!

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"Draga Mos Craciun, adu-mi un iubit. Cel de anul trecut s-a stricat."

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I said to my wife, "That Christmas film I've just watched was a bit up and down."
She said, "Which one?'
I said, "Bipolar Express."

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A professor at a university was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?' About 90 students raise their hands. Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands. That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?' About 15 students raise their hand. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?' Three students raise their hands. That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?' Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.' The Middle Eastern muslim student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have s.ex with a ghost?' Ahmed replied, "Sh.it, from way back there I thought you said Goats."

AlexLesu

Care este atmosfera pe la voi ?

AlexLesu

Cineva mi-a scris pe usa de la garaj: "Aici locuieste un violator!".
La naiba...Mi-e si frica sa mai intru in garaj!