Bancul Zilei

Claudyu04

Un client parcurge nota de plata tocmai primita de la avocatul sau:
- Da, bine, nu am nimic impotriva platii cinei, la care totusi am crezut ca dumneavoastra m-ati invitat, dar ce vrea sa insamne asta: "Sfat la masa de seara - 50 de lei"?
- Va aduceti aminte, atunci la cina, v-am recomandat stiuca in sos de vin...

O doamna in varsta monologheaza intr-un troleibuz, tintuind cu privirea un tanar :
- Tinerii din ziua de azi nu mai au nici pic de respect, sunt total lipsiti de educatie, de cei sapte ani de-acasa...
Tanarul suporta fara cracnire, insa la coborare, enervat, ii spune:
- *** batrana!
- Nu va enervati doamna, intervine un batranel, ca si pe mine dupa 20 de ani ma striga tot "domnu' avocat".

- Chelner!
- Da, domnule.
- Te rog sa imi mai prajesti putin puiul... imi mananca toata salata!

Claudyu04

Tatal vine de la cresa cu copilul, si mama isi pune mainile in cap:
- Ma, asta nu-i copilul nostru! La care el, mirat:
- Ce importanta are, maine tot la cresa il duc!

FORMULA DE FACUT SA VINA AUTOBUZUL
1. Vino din timp in statie.
2. Asteapta cel putin 30 minute fara sa te asezi .
3. Aprinde-ti in fine o tigara... si la al treilea fum va aparea autobuzul!
Nota: exista cazuri in care au aparut chiar si 3 autobuze unul dupa altul!

Era odata un cersetor care se aseza mereu langa o biserica pentru a cersi cu o palarie in mana. Intr-o zi vine cu doua palarii. Un enorias se apropie de el si-l intreaba:
- Domnule draga, de ce aveti doua palarii?
Cersetorul raspunde:
- Adevarul este ca mi-a mers atat de bine incat m-am hotarat sa-mi deschid o sucursala.

Claudyu04

FORMULA PENTRU A NU PUTEA PARCA APROAPE DE CASA

1. Invarte-te cel putin de 3 ori in jurul casei, cautand cu atentie vreun loc in care sa poti parca.
2. Mai continua inca 30 minute invartindu-te pe stradutele invecinate cu locuinta ta.
3. Cand deja esti cu nervii la pamant, parcheaza in cartierul vecin, la 30 de minute de mers pe jos de casa ta!
4. Astfel, cand ajungi acasa vei vedea cel putin 2-3 locuri libere de parcare direct sub fereastra ta .

FORMULA PT A FACE SA PLOUA

1. Spune catorva persoane: "ce vreme frumoasa, sa speram ca va continua asa..."
2. Spala-ti masina si lustruieste-o.
3. Uda gradina.
4. Spala-ti rufele si atarna-le afara.
5. Organizeaza o excursie cu gratar in aer liber.
6. Pleaca la plimbare fara umbrela si fara geaca.

- Pot sa va iau comanda, domnule? intreaba chelnerul.
- Da, spuneti-mi, va rog, cum este pregatit puiul?
- Nimic deosebit domnule, ii spunem verde in fata ca urmeaza sa moara

Claudyu04

FORMULA PT A FACE SA SUNE TELEFONUL

1. Intra sub dus.
2. Samponeaza-ti bine parul.
3. Numara pana la 3.
IN ACEL MOMENT VA SUNA TELEFONUL!
REZOLVARE (avem 2 posibilitati)
A) Daca raspundem - era o greseala.
B) Daca nu raspundem - dupa cateva zile vom afla ca era o veste foarte importanta!

Un oltean si un moldovean stau de vorba.
- La voi mortii se ingroapa cu popa?
- Nu, la noi popa ramane afara.

Claudyu04

Singura Carte GRATUITA despre cum sa faci BANI pe Internet !Simplu si Usor ! Fara sa ai vreun  WebSite!Fara sa ai un produs sa-l vinzi!Fara sa te afiliezi la vreo firma! Vei fi platit direct  si vei pastra toti banii! DOWNLOADEAZ-O ACUM !!! (Cartea este in limba engleza)  
h t t p : / / ti n y u r l.c o m / y r u d r y (fara space) :)

Atentie !!!  Salvati aceasta carte pe calculator pentru a o avea intotdeauna la indemana!
( File -> Save As )

25

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, Saul relents and sells his store. The voice says, “Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul, go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He's dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It's another ace. He has 20. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. “I have 20!” Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. “Hit me,” Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty-one. The booming voice goes: "Un-f**king-believable!"

:)))):)))

25

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

**

A mother took her 3-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you..."

lololol

25

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home 1 day when a fire truck zoomed past.Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.The kids fell to discussing the dog's duties."They use him to keep crowds back,"said 1 kid."No,"said another,"he's just for good luck."A 3 kid brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs,"she said firmly,"to find the fire hydrant."

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "Please God, save my only grandson! I beg of you, bring him back!" And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says, "He had a hat!"

lolololol

25

Morty visits Dr. Saul,the vet,& says,"My dog,has a pr."Dr. Saul says,"So tell me about the dog & the pr.""It's a Jewish dog.His name is Irving & he can talk,"says Morty."He can talk?"the doubting dr asks."Watch this!"Morty points to the dog & commands:"Irving, Fetch!"
Irving,the dog,begins to walk toward the door,then turns around & says,"So why are u talking to me like that? U always order me around like I'm nothing.& u only call me when u want something.& then you make me sleep on the floor,with my arthritis.U give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt & fat,& u tell me it's a special diet.It tastes like dreck!U should eat it yourself!& do u ever take me for a decent walk?NO,it's out of the house,a short pish,& right back home.Maybe if I could stretch out a little,the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much!I should roll over &  play dead for real for all u care!"
Dr. Saul is amazed."This is remarkable!What could be the pr?"Morty says,"He has a hearing problem!I said fetch,not kvetch"

shukaru_pity

bun banc 25 :)

25

Forecasters say California could be looking at a 3 years' dry spell due to a weather pattern called La Nina.
Ever notice when we have bad weather we blame it on the Mexicans?

A South African man is in trouble after he faked a sick note which said he needed time off work because he was pregnant.
He now blames PMS for his lack of judgment.

Scientists have found a bacteria that makes female butterflies promiscuous.
Scientists deny rumors that the bacteria exists naturally in Tequila or Paris Hilton.

Astronaut Buzz Aldrin inaugurated the Skywalk,by walking on the glass-bottomed deck,with great views of the Grand Canyon.
Rhetorical question:If Britney Spears walked on the glass-bottomed deck,would the views of the canyon be grand?

In New Jersey,firemen had to use a crane to remove a 700-pound woman from her house.
The woman is doing fine,but the crane is in critical condition.

The WWF has suspended 9 wrestlers because of steroids.
Apparently,they refused to take them.

25

Britney Spears' mother, Lynne, has written a book on parenting.
And I can't wait to read it just as soon as I am done with my Paris Hilton book on playing hard to get.

Russia declared Wednesday a National Day of Conception to stimulate the birth rate. Any couple who gives birth nine months from now will win money and prizes.
This is what countries without a Mexican border have to do to increase their population.

Britney Spears said she will fight for custody of her kids because, "They mean the world to me."
Then Britney said, "That's why I keep showing the world where they came from."

According to a new medical study, barbecuing is bad for your prostate.  
Well, I'm glad they got this out in time. I was going to barbecue my prostate this weekend. I had no idea it's bad for you.

Several astronauts are denying accusations that they flew on the space shuttle while they were drunk.
However, experts say the first step to recovery is admitting, "Houston, I have a problem."  

25

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" is the No. 1 movie in America. They beat the "300."
This is embarrassing for the Spartans. They hold off thousands and thousands of heavily armed Persians, but four turtles and you're done.

There were huge immigration rallies across the country this week. In Los Angeles, the demonstrators sang, "We shall overcome."
In Mexico, the demonstrators sang, "We shall come over."

Details magazine has a big article on married women who cheat. They list ten signs that your wife might be cheating.
Number 1 sign: You have a pool boy, even though you don't have a pool.

A couple in Arkansas had their 17th child.
Afterwards, the other 16 kids threw their dad a "We get it - you're not gay" party.

Angelia Jolie is reportedly making plans to adopt another baby.  
When asked why, Jolie said, "Because it's Thursday."

According to a new study 30 percent of Cubans are overweight.
The other 70 percent are still in Cuba.



enjoy :)

T!T@NUL9

misto bancu lu 25:D:D:X

plasture

Bancul lui 25 e perfect (pentru cei cu varsta intre 5 si 7 ani)!

kamikaze

“s-au verificat toate actele pe fostii trei ani pe care am fost primar” - Marian Vanghelie
“A garanta proprietatea inseamna a limita dreptul omului asupra proprietatii lui ” - Ion Iliescu
“Doar prin hazardul inconstient social nu se putea ajunge in sfere atat de aureolate si in plan financiar” - Cornel Dinu
“Dumnezeu e cel mai tare serviciu de informatii din lume - stie tot, chiar si-un fir de par” - Gigi Becali
“Omul este o persoana umana” - Gheorghe Hagi
“Decesul i se poate intampla oricui” - Adrian Nastase
“Isus Cristos s-a nascut intr-o pestera foarte modesta” - Teoctist
“Domnul Ion Cristoiu a spus despre mine ca sunt corupt pe vremea cand nu eram, in
1993″ - Viorel Hrebenciuc
“Sunt oameni care nu poti sa le bagi lucrurile in cap nici cu forcepsul” - Loredana Groza
“Nevasta-mea este o femeie care, oricate greseli as face, tot o iubesc” - Vali Vijelie
“Pe la voi prin Chisinau trece Volga, nu ? Cum ? Nu mai trece ?” - Loredana Groza

kamikaze

“Exista aici, in aceasta sala, tineri care au murit in revolutia din decembrie 1989″ - Viorel Catarama
“Domnule presedinte, noi n-am facut nimic, cartela e acolo, in banca, voteaza de una singura. Uitati-va. Noi nu avem nicio vina aici” - Attila Verestoy
“Eu prin presupuneri deduc” - Gheorghe Stefan
“M-am certat cu Mitica Dragomir, dar fara jigniri. El m-a facut oligofren, eu l-am facut zdreanta, dar nu ne-am insultat. In schimb Marian Iancu e obraznic si umbla cu tot felul de jargoane care nu e bine sa le dai la presa” - Gigi Becali
“Dom’le, eu muncesc 24 ore pe zi, iar uneori chiar si noaptea” - Dumitru Dragomir
“Acel tanar care s-a transformat in trei sute este vorba de unul singur” - Marian Vanghelie
“Primul rezultat notabil al acestor doi ani este ca inca mai guvernam” - Adrian Nastase

alinutzabest

respect, ai stricat bancul!

ssymonna

sal all!!!! ce mai faceti?vad ca nu prea mai sunt bancuri...ce s-a intamplat?
sper ca in curand o sa mai imi fac timp sa ajut si eu la arhiva:P

V|p3r_m3n

bune bancurile :))) . 25 :D vezi sa nu se supere elefantul si sa nu faca sandvis cu salam de furnica ;))

Mestelistu`

Bancu lu` T!T@NUL9 ii modificat ii mult mai fain versiunea full :| adica aia in care mai intreaba unde sunt unchii .... unde sunt matusile...... aia raspunde sunt  toti aici..... si el intreaba ..toti toti?...ea zice ... da dragul meu toti suntem aici dragul si scumpul meu sot ....... si el zici .... s-atunci cine p1zd@ masii vinde in magazin:))))

tigerany

t asteptam p tine ssymonna

danutza

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane......."

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

danutza

Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

danutza

1. Un om mut vrea sa cumpere o pasta de dinti. Imitand actiunea de spalat pe dinti, reuseste cu succes sa-l faca pe vanzator sa inteleaga ce vrea sa cumpere.

2. Daca ar fi o persoana oarba care vrea sa cumpere o pereche de ochelari, cum s-ar putea face inteles? Gandeste-te bine inainte de a vedea raspunsul de mai jos.
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Deschide gura si spune:
"As dori sa cumpar o pereche de ochelari."

Daca nu ai dat raspunsul corect... te rog, sapa o groapa in pamant si ascunde-te! : ))))))))))))

tib

Cand eram mai tanar, uram sa ma duc la nunti.Matusi de-ale mele ma piscau de obraz si ziceau razand: ''tu urmezi'' Au terminat cu porcaria asta cand am inceput la inmormantari sa fac si eu acelasi lucru cu ele!

alynabest

ce haios bancul cu furnicile drogate =)))))))
bv 25 ;)

plasture

Anchiutza, ai propus un banc bestial! Daca nu va fi votat, sa stii ca e din cauza faptului ca nu-l pricepe multa lume. Dar nu dispera! Bancul e tare, tare!

asd

Tot n-ai inteles,  ca aici degeaba il pricepi tu...un banc bun, daca restu( N-spe conturi) voteaza "corect''!!!