Bancul Zilei

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex.

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." - My case comes up next Thursday.

Se-ntalnesc doi prieteni pe strada.- Domne sa vezi ce mi s-a-ntamplat: eram cu ala micu in parc si o gacica vindea baloane si-n loc sa-i zic “doamna ce baloane frumoase aveti” i-am zis “doamna ce balcoane frumoase aveti”.- Asta nu e nimic, sa vezi ce mi s-a-ntamplat mie: eram cu nevasta dimineata la micul dejun si-n loc sa-i zic “draga, da-mi si mie sarea” i-am zis: "fa, f***-ti mortii m**ii, nu te mai suport, mi-ai mancat zilele!"

O planetă trece pe lîngă planeta Pămînt şi o întreabă:
- Ce mai faci, soro? Nu te-am văzut de milioane de ani!
- Nu prea bine... Ştii... mi-au ieşit Homo Sapiens...
- Nu te îngrijora, o să treacă! Am avut şi eu!

Presedintele cu sotia se plimba la pas prin Bucuresti. La un moment dat, Traian Basescu se opreste brusc in fatza unei vitrine si exclama:
- Ia uite, Marie, ce preturi: sacou-15 Roni, pantaloni-10 Roni, camasa-5 Roni. Si se mai plang toti de criza in loc sa-mi fie recunoscatori ca traiesc atat de bine !
La care consoarta, intrucatva jenata, ii spune:
- Traiane, asta-i o spalatorie!

Sotia il trezeste pe sotul ei:
− Dumnezeule mare!... Un om s-a bagat in pat si m-a f...t!
− Si de ce nu ai strigat netrebnico?!
− Pentru ca am crezut ca esti tu pana am ajuns la treia runda, si atunci am inceput sa ma indoiesc

Ursul si marmota din reclamele Milka faceau kaka in padure, unul langa altul.
Stand ei asa, ursul o intreaba pe marmota:
 -Auzi, pe tine nu te deranjeaza daca ti se lipeste kaka de blanita?
 -Nicidecum , raspunse marmota.
 Si ursul lua marmota si se sterse cu ea la c * r!

Intrebare: Cum se prepara ciocolata MILKA
Raspuns: Face baie in lapte marmota din bancul anterior si apoi il bate pana se ingroasa.