Joke of the Day

NU

tare bancul bai bandaj.............

ditzy

Multumesc pe aceasta cale tuturor celor  care trimit mass-uri si pps-uri pline de umanism uns cu lapte si miere. Datorita voua am trecut prin multe clipe minunate, cum ar fi: 1. Am citit de 874 de ori ca voi fi stearsa cu cont cu tot de pe yahoo. 2. Am cam 34.000 de ani plini de ghinion in fata mea si am murit deja de 6.764 de ori pt ca nu am dat toate mass-urile mai departe. 4. Sunt blestemata sa nu gasesc adevarata dragoste pt ca nu am dat restart la calc, nu m-am dat de 3 ori peste cap si nu am apasat shift de 99 de ori !!!

ErroR.

Bun bancu lui NU dar ii vechi...

Calinas_jr

Doi programatori intr-un bar:
- Vezi tipa aceia? Vezi ce "properties" are?
- Da. Am "testat-o" aseara...sunt read-only

ErroR.

Vote for alinutzabest e nou ( pt mine )

25

Intrebari puse de femei in timpul meciurilor la CM2006

Intrebari puse de femei in timpul meciurilor la CM2006:
a. astia cu cine joaca?
b. Pot sa schimbi pe Acasa; ma uit la Lacrimi de iubire??
c. Auzi, Figo e casatorit?
d. Tie care tricou iti place mai mult?
e. Aia care n-au mingea de ce fug?
f. Te intereseaza si prelungirile?
g. Cate reprize sunt in total?
h. Germanii de ce joaca asa de dur?
i. Daca in spatele portii este plasa de ce nu se pune si in jurul terenului?
j. Cit de inalt se poate lovi cu mingea?
k. Arbitrul are voie sa joace carti in timpul meciului?
l. De ce toata lumea fuge in cealalta directie dupa ce au dat un gol?
m. Vrei sa vorbesti cu mama la telefon?
n. Ce crezi, cand vom avea timp sa mergem undeva in vacanta?
o. Ma mai iubesti?

NU

Puma...........ai inceput cu massurile............... ? C banc ai pus...........rad si curcile .............a mai fost d n ori pus..........parca a ieshit si bancu zilei..........

krisu

tot vot alinutzabest :D :->

Calinas_jr

De ce sunt unguroaicele sexy?

Pentru ca sunt U.D.M-reu

NU

Adevarat vot bancu lu alina ........sa se oftice puma......cai mai bun k al lui.........

NU

25......e bun bancu......chiar am ras..........:))

Puma™

si eu am votat alina sa se oftice Nu ca vad ca face crize pe aici!

Calinas_jr

Un canibal vine acasa cu un sicriu in spate si spune familiei:

- Astazi la cina iar avem conserve!

25

Geografia Barbatului
Intre 15 si 70 de ani un barbat este ca Zimbabwe - condus de un putzoi.

:))))

Rugby

Asta nu e un banc.... ci ma iau dupa o idee stralucita (mi se pare ca a lui simpson). Eram in cismigiu in iarna la patinoar cu un prieten si cu iubitele noastre,am stat pana tarziu si se facuse noapte,culmea,pe amandoi ne trege cheful de susu (pi*are) si mergem noi mai incolo de patinoar,fetele dupa noi,fiind nopate am putut sa ne oprim la primul pom ca.. nu mai puteam nici unul din noi sa ne tinem! fetele au mers cativa pasi mai incolo si toate bine si frumoase,cand deodata eu incep si in momentul ala face tipul "bah!! asteapta-ma si pe mine ca eu n-o gasesc!!!!" in momentul in care am auzit asta nu m-am putut abtine din ras si m-am intors pe el fara sa-mi dau seama ca eu faceam in continuare susu si l-am facut fleasca de la brau in jos... nu vreti sa stiti urmarile :))) Am lesinat de ras in seara aia si am descoperit ca un barbat se poate curata de pisat de la brau in jos cu doar 10 servetele umede =)))))

25

Doi savanti stateau de vorba despre teoria probabilitatilor. Zice unul dintre ei:
- Draga colega, sa stii ca eu sunt total de acord cu teoria care zice ca daca lasi 5 milioane de maimute in fata unei masini de scris probabilitatea ca sa iasa ceva asemanator cu "Hamlet" e foarte mare.
- Imposibil dragul meu, raspunse celalalt savant. Aceasta teorie a fost invalidata definitiv de aparitia internetului...

25

Doi tineri indragostiti, stand pe o banca, intr-o noapte, sub clar de luna. Fata, romantica, zice:
- Ce de stele sunt pe cer, o minunatie!
- Aha, ***lau!

********

Cica intrase o data o gripa rea intr-o crescatorie de gaini. Au fost chemati 3 studenti (de la drept, de la chimie si politehnica) sa gaseasca o solutie de vindecare. Cel de la drept se gandi, isi zbatea creierul cu ce lege sa incolteasca gripa gainilor, dar nu reusi, se lasa pagubas. Studentul de la chimie facu o supa cu acizi, baze, saruri si divese prafuri, dar pana sa fie administrat gainilor, amestecul topi recipientul de plastic si se varsa pe jos. Studentul de la politehnica, ehei, baiatul nostru, intocmi un plan de atac, desenă tot felul de scheme, si la urma dupa multe formule si calcule isi spuse sentinta: am gasit solutia, sigur merge. Dar e valabila doar la gaini sferice, in vid.

:)):)):)) LOOOOOOOOL :))))))))))

ditzy

1. Men are like .Laxatives..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.Bananas.... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like.Weather.... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .Blenders...You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ***mercials....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like. Department Stores.. .Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like .Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like. Popcorn..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

ditzy

11. Men are like. Snowstorms.... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like .Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped

*c.o.m.mercials...nu intzeleg de ce e cenzurat:-/

ditzy

Law of the queue
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

ditzy

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE
People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

kamikaze

Votati alianta DA!!!Ca sa se oftice NU:))

Calinas_jr

Cum ar fi daca politia in loc de girofaruri ar vea pe capota glob de discoteca?
Nino nino, toata lumea mainile sus.

Calinas_jr

avea*

andreyutzzu

Bune bancurile azi...vot alinutza

DJKappa

vot alinutza :)) .. bun bun :)) .. m`ai facut sa rad .. keep going

25

Strangers on a Train

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.

"I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get ten dollars. You ask me a question first." The farmer thinks for a while.

"I know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to climb up a palm tree, and ten seconds to get back down?" The scientist is confused and thinks long and hard about the question. Finally, the train ride is coming to an end. As it pulls into the station, the scientist takes out ten dollars and gives it to the farmer.

"I don''t know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to get up a palm tree and ten seconds to get back down?"

The farmer takes the ten dollars and puts it into his pocket. He then takes out one dollar and hands it to the scientist.

"I don''t know."

:)

danutza

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!

danutza

I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fuckin' address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals assholes workin' there!
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone! Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60!!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

danutza

You'd rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
(fuckin' morons)
Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!
Signed - An Irate fucking Canadian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang. I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.
However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST CHINA!!!

Hamilton, Ontario Canada

Calinas

Un cowboy batran a intrat intr-un bar si comanda o cafea.
Pe cand isi bea cafeaua, langa el se aseaza o tanara.
Cere o cafea, apoi se intoarce catre cowboy si-l intreaba:
- Esti un cowboy adevarat?
El ii raspunde:
- Mi-am petrecut toata viata imblanzind taurii, mergand cu cirezile,
concurand la rodeouri, reparand tarcurile, ajutand la nasterea viteilor,
descarcand fanul in iesle, facand curatenie in grajduri si hranindu-mi
cainii de paza, asa ca, da, cred ca sunt un cowboy adevarat.
La care, fata ii spune:
- Eu sunt lesbiana. Imi petrec toata ziua gandindu-ma la femei. De cand
ma scol, dimineata, ma gandesc numai la femei. Cand fac dus, ma gandesc
la femei.  Se pare ca totul ma face sa ma gandesc la femei.
Cei doi isi beau cafeaua in tacere.
Dupa o vreme, de cealalta parte a batranului cowboy se aseaza un
barbat, care-l intreaba:
- Esti un cowboy adevarat?
La care cowboyul ii raspunde:
- Asa am crezut dintotdeauna, dar  tocmai am descoperit ca sunt lesbiana.

alynabest

misto bancu' alinutzo :P

typsy

sunteti una si aceeasi persoana?

Bogdynho

da

Calinas_jr

:))

Rugby

mi se pare mie sau bancul lui puya2000 a fost si ieri propus tot de el?

Convulsie

... balena nu e peste, e mamifer.

NU

Hai bne.....ca deja ati inceput sa *** pwla...........

stefz

Einstein la un dineu, inainte sa intre in vorba cu cei de acolo ii intreba ce IQ au.
Primul raspunde:
- Am IQ 245!
- Bine, vin imediat sa vorbim de fizica nucleara si atomi, zice Einstein.
Mai incolo altul raspunde:
- Am IQ 145!
- Vin imediat sa vorbim de forta de propulsie si franare, ii spune Einstein.
Si mai incolo, ultimul zice:
- Am IQ 45!
Einstein se scarpina in cap si zice:
- Bine, o sa vorbim despre Dinamo!

V|p3r_m3n

:)) bun asta cu dinamo . la fel si ... majoritate :D astazi v-ati revenit :))

Claudyu04

:)