Bancul Zilei

cristimilan7

Neazza ...

Nu e poza, nici problema ... :-??

Seadog

:O a revenit 25 !!

25

Noua formula de salut intre doi oameni care vorbesc la telefon:
"Salutari tie si ascultatorilor nostri" !

25

Two farmers were discussing politics and the first one says: "I believe in a share and share alike policy. One where we are all equal."

"Well" replied the other farmer "I'm not sure about that. What you mean is that if you have two horses you'd give me one?"

"Of course" says the first.

The second farmer continued: "and if you had two cars, you'd give me one of them too?"

"Absolutely"

"So" says the second farmer, "if you had two pigs then you'd give me one of them?"

"Ah, now hang on a minute" says the first, "you know I've got two pigs!"

25

A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped it. "Don't do that, that was a honeybee," his father said, "he wasn't doing anything to you. For killing him you will do without honey for a week." Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped on it. "That was a butterfly," his father said, "he wasn't doing anything to you, and for killing him you will do without butter for a week." The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy eating his toast plain with no honey or butter. Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove. His mother stomped on it. The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I?"

:))

Gabi

Hohoho... Merry Christmas de 20, pardon, 10 februarie... !!! :-))
Nu cumva cineva a gresit prefixul ? :-))

Seadog

Intre doctori :
-Cum a mers operatia ?
-Care operatie, nu era autopsie ??

Gabi

Rally, ciobanul a vrut sa se dea smecher, dar nu i-a iesit cum trebuie, ca a gresit: site-ul acela nu exista !!! :D

Seadog

Doi studenti la zootehnie,slabi si vai de ei, se intalnesc cu un coleg.Asta mai bine hranit,rotunjor...
-Bah cum dreaq de esti u asa de gras cand noi suntem slabi si rahitici???
-Pai bah fii atent aici:mi-am luat un costum de gorila si ma duc la zoo,ma bag intr-o cusca,imi dau aia de mancare si noaptea ma prefac ca sunt mort si ma arunca paznici peste gard!
Se imbraca si respectivii in costume de gorila,se duc la zoo si fac cum spusese prietenul lor mai durduliu.Merge treaba o zi ,doua, trei ...se ingrasa baietii.Intr-o seara cand era ora inchiderii si se prefac studentii nostri ca sunt morti cand vin paznici.Unu din paznici zice:
-Bah ce naiba se intampla???Au murit 40 de gorile luna asta.Hai le aruncam la leu mai economisim niste bani.
Mi-le insfaca pe gorilele noastre si le arunca in cusca leului.Studentii speriati se retrag intr-un colt si privesc cu groaza la leul fioros ce se apropie de ei.Astia doi isi faceau rugaciunile cu lacrimi in ochi cand se opreste leul la un pas si zice:
-Bah baieti aveti si voi un foc...ca elefantul nu are???

Seadog

Era o baba in statia de tramvai si cum nu vedea prea bine, intreaba o
tinara ce nr. are tramvaiul care vine . Tinara ii spune ca este nr 13.
La care baba ii zice:
-Eeee lasa ca stiu io ce scriu astia, ca acum vreo doua zile treceam pe
linga un gard si scria P*LA si cind am intrat era depozit de lemne.

25

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

=))))))))))) =))))))))))))))

Seadog

Doi mosnegi se intilnesc:
- Ce mai faci, Vasile?
- Uite, am fost la femei.
- Si cum a fost?
- Mai curat decit la barbati.

25

The morning after their honeymoon night, Julie says to her
husband, "you know, You're really a lousy lover!"

Her husband replies, "How would you know after only 30 seconds?"


:)))))))))) te pui cu intuitia feminina :))))))) =))))))))))))))))))

25

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I  seen you somewhere before?"
"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."

:)))))))))))
PS V.D. = venereal diseases

Seadog

News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.

Sincerely yours,
God

25

A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.
He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

:))

Seadog

If the global crisis continues, by the end of the year, only two Banks will be operational, the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank... Logically.... Those 2 banks will merge and it will be called 'The Bloody Fucking Bank'

Seadog

Ze fuhrer vas in a restaurant. Ze waiter asks:
- Do you want wein or juice?
Ze fuhrer answers:
- Wein. Ze juice have been exterminated!

Seadog

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad News, the donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck now works for the Goldman Sachs.

25

Why do elephants have 4 feet?
-Because 4 inches isn't enough.

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.
"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."
"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"

:)))))))

25

A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another razor.

"Why?" asked the barber, "Is there something wrong with this one?"

"I don't know." replied the customer. "But I would appreciate a chance to defend myself."

25

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"  
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

25

"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we  
can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"


=))))))))))))))))))) =))))))))))))))))))) =)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
))

25

100 prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

25

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey, Pop! What are you doin'?"
His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."

25

  In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of
  a man's penis was
  larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded
  that the reason the
  head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure
  during sex.
  After the study was published, the University of South Carolina
  decided to do their own
  study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that
  the reason was to
  give the woman more pleasure during sex.
  The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
  their own study.
  After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
  to keep a man's
  hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

=))))))))))) =))))))))))) =)))))))))) =)))))))) =)))))))))))))))))))

25

Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a
city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's
that, Miss?"
Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your
Mummy calls Daddy, Tommy."
Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss, I know that
ain't a fucking pig!"

25

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"

"Hell no!" the guy said.

The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"

The man said, "Of course not."

"Wanna go camping?"

=))))))))

25

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

From a catalogue.

=))))))))))))

25

banc ..cam rosu :)))

  This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
  so he went to the
  doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
  sex, to stick his
  finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
  smell would cause his
  hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
  decided to make his
  move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
  in her pussy, and then
  rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began
  to stiffen. Amazed, he
  decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
  in her pussy, then
  rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4
  erect. He decided to
  try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all
  around under his nose.
  Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
  "Honey, quick
  turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
  with his dick standing
  tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
  said, "Looks like the
  worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"

25

   Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
  and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
  her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
  This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
  because she got a diamond ring."
  As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
  birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
  This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
  she got the gold bracelet."
  As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
  buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
  the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"


old and ... if u dont like it u can ask her to lend you her vibrator :))))) =)))))))

25

There was this boy in high school that was what you would
consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement
of his home and one night he came up and said "Dad look
what I made." So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of
soil and instantly grass started to grow.

Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked
his son if he can make something to make his penis grow.

His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then
dad would have to buy him a convertable.

Dad agreed.

The next night the son came out of the basement and gave his
dad a vial. The next morning his father came to him and told
him that he had something to show him. They went to the front
yard and the boy saw a cherry red ferrari.

The son looked at his dad and said "I only asked for a convertable."

The dad replied "the convertable is in the garage. The Ferrari is
from your mother."

:))))))))

mambo

Митинги проходят на знаменитой «площади 13 мая», откуда в прошлом оппозиция уже не раз приходила во власть. Своё название площадь получила в честь событий 1972 года. Тогда оппозиция добилась смены власти «мирной кампанией неповиновения». События повторились в 1992 году, когда к власти пришел бывший мэр Антананариву Равалуманана, ныне являющийся тем самым президентом, против которого выступает теперь уже новая оппозиция.

bandy222

Intr-o celula un zoofil, un necrofil un sadic si un sadomasochist se plictiseau de moarte.
La un moment dat zoofilul rupe tacerea si spune:
Daca avem noi acum in celula o pisica mama ce faceam cu ia !!!!! sex pe toate gaurile, orgie macel ce sa mai......
Sadicul: Dupa ce terminai cu ia o luam eu si ce faceam cu ia!!!!!! o inodam in bataie intinsa pe pereti rupta in doua macel ce sa mai....
Necrofilul: Si dupa o luam eu rece asa cum e si dai sex si urgie pe toate gaurile, macel ce sa mai....
Dupa un moment de liniste din coltul celulei sadomasochistul:
MIAUUU!!!!!

Neata ll :)))))

y0zman

La o toaleta publica in State, in dreptul
pisoarelor, unul langa altul, Cassius Clay si Copilu'
Minune.
In timp ce se pisa, Ali vede ca Adi Copilu' tot
scutura, la intervale scurte, din cap. Asa ca il
intreba cu compasiune:
- Si tu suferi de Parkinson?
- Nu, mancatzash, da' ma stropesti in ureche!

y0zman

O blonda se duca la cazino si le spune dealerilor ca vrea sa parieze
20.000 de dolari pe un numar, dar ii roaga sa o lasa sa se dezbrace,
pentru ca asa se simte mai norocoasa.
Dealerii n-au nimic impotriva logic si tipa se dezbraca complet,
arunca zarurile si incepe sa topaie de bucurie ca a castigat, ii
imbratiseaza, se imbraca, isi ia banii si pleaca fericita. Atunci unul
dintre dealeri intreaba:
- Auzi, tu ai vazut ce zaruri a dat?
- Nu...am crezut ca ai vazut tu, ii raspunde celalalt.

RazVaN_FIFAstories

:D vai