Bancul Zilei

There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!"

Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock...

Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flys open. In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom.

Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys??"

No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

"What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out.  When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!"

Pentru cei preocupati de o alimentatie sanatoasa, iata ultima noutate in domeniul nutritiei si al sanatatii.
Este o usurare sa aflam adevarul dupa atatea si atatea studii conflictuale despre nutritie.
1. Japonezii consuma foarte putine grasimi si sufera de mai putine atacuri de cord decat romanii.
2. Mexicanii consuma multe grasimi si sufera de mai putine atacuri de cord decat romanii.
3. Chinezii beau foarte putin vin rosu si sufera de mai putine atacuri de cord decat romanii.
4. Italienii beau mult vin rosu si sufera de mai putine atacuri de cord decat romanii.
5. Nemtii beau foarte multa bere, consuma foarte multi carnati si grasimi si sufera de mai putine atacuri de cord decat romanii.
CONCLUZIA:
Mancati si beti tot ce vreti. Se pare ca faptul ca vorbim romana e ceea ce ne omoara.

-Bula la mare. Intra in apa. deodata simte o mana pe co*** si o voce zice:
- Plus sau minus 2 ?
Bula:Hai sa zic plus 2. Zise.
Iese din apa si se trezeste cu 4 co***.
- las' ca intru inapoi si zic minus 2 si rezolv eu !
Intra in apa. Vocea:
- Plus sau minus 4 ?!?

Sotia vine acasa si-i zice sotului:
- Am o veste buna si una rea , pe care s-o zic?
- Zi-o pe`aia buna, zice sotul.
- Merg airbagurile!!

Doi tineri indragostiti, stand pe o banca, intr-o noapte, sub clar de luna, fata romantica zice:
- Ce de stele sunt pe cer!, iar dansul raspunde:
- Ihi, ****lau!

Trei bugetari: un american, un englez si un roman. Americanul e orb, englezul e intr-un scaun cu rotile si romanul are bratul in ghips.
Dintr-o data apare Isus si-i intreaba:
- Ce pot face pentru voi? Americanul:
- Vreau sa vad iarasi.
Isus ii pune mana in cap si se intampla minunea.
Englezul:
- Vreau sa pot umbla.
Se repeta povestea.
Romanul:
- Sefule, inainte de a incepe cu minunile, tine cont ca mai am 3 saptamani de concediu de boala!

Curiozitati

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for their first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

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In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

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In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. . He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)

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In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam !)

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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of ?)
(Did our government pay for this research?)

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Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)

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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

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Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)

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And the best for last…..
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)  



Thank you all for reading this. If you need to reach me in the ******, I will be in GUAM!

- Cum afli daca o vaca este nebuna?
- O duci la pascut. Daca paste iarba, e normala. Daca o fumeaza...

Intra un arheolog intr-un anticariat pe Lipscani, se uita vreo jumate de ora, nu gaseste nimic si da sa plece, cand la usa vede o pisicuta bea lapte dintr-un bol din era Tutankhamon sec 7 BC.Se intoarce si zice proprietarului:
-    Cat de frumoasa e pisicuta, m-am indragostit, nu o vindeti va dau 20€ pe ea.
-    Vai dar nu pot, este parte din familie.
Pana la urma negociaza si asta i-o vinde pe 200€. Cand sa iasa arheologul nostru zice:
-    Puteti sa-mi dati va rog si bolul ca vad ca s-a obisnuit cu el.
La care anticarul zice:
-    Sunteti nebun, e un bol din era Tutankhamon sec 7 BC, am vandut vreo 80 de pisicute cu el.

Cate persoane lucreaza in birou la tine?
- Cu sef cu tot, cinci.
- Deci, fara sef, patru?
- A, nuuuu? fara sef nu lucreaza nimeni!

Un tip isi conduce prietena acasa, noaptea, dupa discoteca. Ajunsi in pragul casei fetei, tipul se reazema cu cotul in perete si incepe vrajeala la greu. Dupa vreo 15 minute se deschide usa si apare tatal fetei, chior de somn:
- Ba, a zis nevasta-mea ca ti-o **** ea, numai ia cotul de pe sonerie!!!..

-What did Santa say do the three blondes at the corner?
-Ho ho ho!