Bancul Zilei

lucius91

Un copil a venit astazi la mine si imi spune:
-Imi dati va rog frumos o tigara?
Este incredibil cum in ziua de azi copiii sunt atat de politicosi.

felipes

Un tip se duce la “Vrei sa fii miliardar” si Virgil Iantu ii pune prima intrebare:
- Cat de adanc este vaginul sotiei dvs? a.) 10 cm b.) 15 cm c.) 18 cm
La care tipul raspunde:
- Pot sa sun un prieten?

felipes

Du-te pe google și scrie „callhim”
dă clic pe primul
scrie numele tău și dansează! :)

maryjan

neata

Sphynxe

Morning to you

Sphynxe

Un cargou cu Viagra s-a scufundat în Atlantic... Imediat după aceea s-a ridicat Titanicul la suprafaţă…

Sphynxe

Doi români stau de vorbă:
- Ioane, f**e cît mai poţi că vremea p**ii trece!
Aude ungurul şi fuge la el în sat...
- Fraţilor, scoateţi furcile, topoarele, că vin românii peste noi!
- Da' de unde ştii, măi Ianoş?
- I-am auzit cum vorbeau între ei: "hai să-i f***m că vremea trece, băi p**ă".

Sphynxe

Intră un bărbat distrus într-o cîrciumă şi strigă:
- Toţi avocaţii sînt nişte proşti!
De la o masă se ridică un tip solid şi se apropie de tipul disperat:
- Retrăgeţi-vă cuvintele!
- De ce? Sînteţi avocat?
- Nu, sînt prost

tincan

Nikko, nikko, profiti de necazurile noastre :P

mpq

Forrest Gump died and went to heaven. When he got to the Pearly Gate, Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective Heavenly Soul must answer three questions.

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are in a year?

3. What is God's first name?

Forrest thought for a few minutes and answered..

"1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow."

"2. There are 12 seconds in a year."

"3. God has two first names and they are Andy and Howard ."

Saint Peter said, "OK I'll buy Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year and why did you ever think that God's first name was either Andy or Howard ?"

Forrest responded, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc......"

"OK, I give" said Saint Peter , "but what about the God's first name stuff?"

Forrest said "Well, from the song... Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own... and the prayer... Our Father who art in Heaven Howard be thy name...."
Saint Peter let him in without further ado.

mpq

This fellow wants to live FOREVER, and at his death (he has an incurable disease) he wants his body frozen, to be thawed out at some later date and cured.. About a year later he dies... and his body is carefully prepared and quickly frozen as per his wishes...

He, in the mean time, gets to Heaven, sees St Peter at the Pearly Gates, he is standing in line, waiting to get in, and pretty soon, it's his turn... St Peter asks his name, and the man tells him. Peter looks in his book, and says, take a seat.....

The next person in line gives his name, and Peter tells him to go on in.... This goes on for hundreds of people, and in the mean time, the man is sitting on this bench, along with 3-4 other people, wondering WHY can he not get in???
FINALLY, he can't stand it any longer, and goes and butts back in line, and demands to know WHY can he not get into heaven like all those other people... St Peter asks his name again, looks it up in his book, and says.. You died of a rare brain tumour, and had your body frozen, didn't you? Yes, says the man... FINE, says St Peter ... In the year 2389, they will find a cure for that form of tumour, thaw you out, fix it, and wake you up.... TAKE A SEAT....

mpq

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity.

They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about 'normal' tricks.

"Well," they said, "let's try this out."

Once more they called out to the dog, and then clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"

Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.