Bancul Zilei

poly

:))bun bancu

*J0hny*

merge :D acceptabil

Anarky

Plauzibil , si eu faceam la fel !!!

Mekerel

borbatu tot barbat ;) ....oricum e bun bancu :D

ULTRAS_86

sec

eul_rip

=)) ... fain banc

nume_nepermis_17

cu investitziia lu ultima nevasta ii facea sanii cat casa ........asta e romanu:D

Cortez_ctz

ceva bancuri noi????pe asta il stiu de cand aveam 15 ani:D

asd

Basescu catre multimea adunata in Piata Victoriei:
- Am hotarat ca de acum vom munci numai miercurea!
Toata suflarea impresionata, aplauda in delir.
- Intrebari?
Se ridica unu, se scarpina in ***, apoi in nas.
- In FIECARE miercuri?

asd

De ziua de nastere, boierii ii fac lui Vlad Tepes o surpriza, asezandu-i in fata ferestrei trei turci trasi in teapa. Dimineata, Tepes se trezeste, priveste cu placere darurile boierilor, dar observa ca unul dintre turci bolboroseste ceva. Se apropie si asculta ce ii sopteste acesta:
- La multi ani!

asd

O balerina se tinea in autobuz de bara de sus... si avea un par extraordinar la subrat (padure tropicala). Jos pe scaun statea un betiv. La un moment dat o intreaba betivu' pe tipa:
- Don'soara, esti cumva balerina?
La care tipa flatata:
- Da... dar cum v-ati dat seama?
- Pai... numai tu puteai sa ridici piciorul pana acolo...

asd

Ce se intampla daca se consuma Viagra cu preparate cu continut bogat in fier?
R: Scula iti va arata permanent nordul...

piticn5

1. De ce "prescurtare" este un cuvant asa lung ?
2. De ce soldatii Kamikaze purtau o casca ?
3. De ce se sterilizeaza acele cu care se fac injectiile condamnatilor la moarte ?
4. Care este sinonimul cuvantului " sinonim" ?
5. De ce nu exista mancare de pisici cu gust de soarece ?
6. Daca nimic nu se lipeste de teflon, cum e lipit teflonul de tigaie?
7. De ce balerinele merg mereu pe varfuri ? Nu ar fi mai simplu sa angajeze balerine mai inalte ?
8. Vreau sa imi cumpar un bumerang nou. Cum pot sa scap de cel vechi ?
9. De ce localurile deschise non stop au incuietori ?
10. De ce avioanele nu sunt fabricate din acelasi material din care sunt facute cutiile negre ?

Calinas

Parintii vin acasa, intra in camera copilului si vad iesind de sub perna un colt de revista. Curiosi, scot revista si vad cu stupoare ca e pentru sado-masochisti. Dupa un timp lung de gandire, tatal spune, incet: - Eu zic sa nu-l batem...

25

Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they`re out for a walk and Leroys says, "Hey, Jasper, there`s the NCO Club. Let`s you and me stop in."
"But we`s privates," protests Jasper. "We`s sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.
"Now, Jasper, I`m a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we`s privates," says Jasper.
"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We`s sergeants now."
So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You`re cute," she says, "and I`d like to date you, but I`ve got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it`s okay, give me the okay sign."
So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.
"Jasper," he says, "what fo` you give me the okay?"
"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we`s sergeants now!"



:))))))))))))))))

25

A blonde was visiting Washington D.C. for the first time and
wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortuantely, she was
having trouble finding it. Finally she saw a police officer
and asked him for directions.
"Well if you wait at that bus stop right there and get on
the 54, it will take you right there." explained the
officer.
"Thank you" she cooed, and walked to the bus stop.
Five hours later, the police officer was driving by again,
and sure enough, the blonde was still standing at the bus
stop.
The officer stopped and said "Excuse me miss, but I told you
that to get to the Capitol building, you take the number 54,
and it will take you right there. What are you still doing
here?"
"Oh don`t worry officer." she replied. "It won`t be long
now. The 47th bus just went by."

25

Bedroom Golf
* Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls.
* Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.
* Owner of the course must approve the equipment before may begin.
* For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.
* Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to the course.
* Unlike outdoor golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the balls out.
* The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course in the future.
* It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention being given to the well formed bunkers.
* Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have played or currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
* Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.
* Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.
* Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
* Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the request of the course owner.
* It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
* The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best player.
* Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner, and the rules are subject to change. For this reason many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.

25

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the head on a man`s penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $180,000. The results of the study concluded that the reason the head of a man`s penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the US study were incorrect. After three years of research and costs in excess of $250,000, they concluded that the head of a man`s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.
When the results of the German study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study. The Aussies didn`t trust the US or German studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive research at a cost of around $75, the Aussie study reached a conclusion.
They came to the final conclusion that the reason the head on a man`s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

:))))))))))))))))))
:))))))))))))))))))
:)))))))))))))))))
subtil :))))))))))

25

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."

25

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the
frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for
certain how often someone had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went
down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the
person’s smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often
each person had sex. The last man in line was grinning from ear to
ear.

“Twice a day,” the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man
said no. “Once a day, then?” Again the answer was no. “Twice a week?”

“No.”

“Twice a month?”

“No.”

When the doctor asked, “Once a year?” the man finally said yes.

The therapist was angry that his theory hadn’t worked with this
individual, and he asked the man, “What the heck are you so happy
about?”

The man answered, “Tonight’s the night!”

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOO

sahara

bun bancu' de azi...da' tot...clasic! :D

danutza

Ziua de nastere a lui B.B. King. Sotia se gandea ce cadou sa-i faca; el fiind faimos si avand de toate se tot gandeste si-i vine ideea: se duce la un "tatoo place" si-si tatueaza pe fund initialele sotului - pe o buca "B" si pe cealalta "B". Seara vine B.B. King acasa, sotia il intampina numai in halat: "Happy birthday,darling! Ti-am facut un cadou surpriza". Si spunand asta se dezbraca, se intoarce cu spatele la el si se apleaca. La care el: "Foarte impresionant, dar cine dracu' e BOB?"

danutza

La vama ajunge si badea Gheorghe cu caruta plina de butoaie. Vamesul il intreaba ce are in butoaie. Badea ii raspunde simplu: apa.
- Nu se poate, nu te cred, u ascunzi ceva bade!
- Nu, pe cuvantul meu! zice badea.
- Am sa gust din fiecare butoi. Asa si facu. Dupa degustare, vamesul isi da seama ca badea are intr-adevar apa in butoaie.
- Bade ai dreptate, esti liber sa pleci, dar poti sa-mi spui de ce duci u apa peste granita?
- Pai... la noi in sat e un obicei: dupa ce speli mortu' trebuie sa duci apa cat mai departe.

danutza

Un popa merge pe strada si se intalneste cu o tipa trasnet. Se uita la ea si isi face cruce. Il vede un barbat si il întreaba de ce isi face cruce cand trece pe langa o tipa, la care popa ii raspunde:
- Cand mi-am facut cruce mi-am zis in gand: sa ma trazneasca Dumnezeu aici (in cap), daca nu ajungi aici (intre picioare), cu un picior aici si unul aici (pe umeri).

danutza

Un tip isi pierde scula intr-un accident. Merge la doctor sa-i faca si lui ceva. Doctorul zice: "Stam cam prost cu donatorii acum asa ca nu am decat o trompa de la un pui de elefant."
Zis si facut.
Vine omul la control peste o luna. Totul era in regula, mai crescuse nitel, nevasta era multumita. La fel si in luna urmatoare. Vine omul in a treia luna la doctor necajit: "Domnu doctor am o mica problema. A crescut acuma de-o tarasc dupa mine. Asta nu ar fi o problema da' cand merg prin piata fura mere de pe tarabe si mi le baga in fund."

stzellaz

I : Ce inseamna pentru un canibal o femeie gravida?
       R : Kinder Surprise!

stzellaz

Emotii mari la circ. Un numar de dresura extraordinar: crocodilul imens deschide
>>>> gura, dresorul sau îsi desface slitul, îsi scoate penisul si-l baga în gura fiarei, dupa
>>>> care îi trage una în cap cu o bîta.
>>>> Animalul îsi închide puternicele falci cu rapiditate.
>>>> Toata lumea ramîne înmarmurita.
>>>> Într-un tîrziu, amimalul îsi deschide din nou gura iar penisul dresorului apare
>>>> intact dintre dintii ascutiti ai fiarei. Ovatiile si aplauzele nu contenesc. Dresorul zice: ·
>>>> - Stimati spectatori, cel dintre dumneavoastra care are curajul sa repete numarul pe
>>>> care eu tocmai l-am facut, are zece milioane de lei.
>>>> Nu se anunta nimeni, numai o blonda din ultimul rînd.
>>>> - As încerca, spune ea. Dar am o singura rugaminte.
>>>> Sa nu ma loviti prea tare cu bîta !

stzellaz

Bula: Stinge lumina!
Ea: Am stins-o.
Bula: Dezbracã-te!
Ea:M-am dezbrãcat.
Bula: Vino în pat!
Ea: Am venit.
Bula: Ia-o în gurã!
Ea: Asta nu!
Bula: Alta n-am.

stzellaz

Bula rebusist sta pe o banca. La un moment dat un alt rebusist il intreaba:
- Organ genital la femei ?.
Bula intreaba:
- Orizontal sau vertical?
- Orizontal !
- "Gura", zice Bula

stzellaz

Nu beau, nu fumez, ma scol la 6 in fiecare zi, ma culc la ora 22, nu-mi

insel nevasta... ... dar si cand o sa ies din puscarie...

stzellaz

De ce conduc stelistii masinile fara centura de siguranta?
Ca sa stranga puncte pentru Steaua....

stzellaz

Cum faci un barbat fericit?
1. Gateste pentru el
2. Fa dragoste cu el
3. In rest lasa-l in pace


Cum faci o femeie fericita?
Trebuie sa fii pentru ea:
1. prieten
2. societate placuta
3. iubit
4. frate
5. parinte
6. maestru
7. educator
8. bucatar
9. timplar
10. instalator
11. mecanic
12. electrician
13. stilist
14. sexolog
15. co-insarcinat
16. psiholog
17. psihiatru
18. terapeut
19. autodidact
20. organizator
21. tata bun
22. curat
23. simpatic
24. atletic
25. tandru
26. atent
27. galant
28. inteligent
29. glumet
30. creativ
31. puternic
32. intelegator
33. tolerant
34. precaut
35. ambitios
36. curajos
37. credincios
38. respectuos
39. pasional
40. competent

si nu uita :

41. sa-i faci des complimente
42. sa mergi cu placere la cumparaturi
43. sa nu exagerezi
44. sa fii bogat
45. sa fii rezistent la stres
46. sa nu te uiti dupa alte femei

si in acelasi timp :

47. sa nu fii gelos
48. sa-i dai libertate
49. sa ai o relatie buna cu familia ei, fara s-o neglijezi pe ea
50. sa o consolezi si sa-i ridici moralul in momentele dificile
51. sa dai dovada de multa gingasie, putere de intelegere si supunere oarba in momentele ei de furie

si foarte important:

52. sa nu uiti aniversarile ei si a celorlalti membri ai familiei, prieteni, aniversarea casniciei voastre si a tuturor
prietenilor, aniversarea logodnei voastre si... toate datele posibile pe care ea le uita...

jorj.me

Cand am avut 14 ani am vrut sa am si eu o prietena .
La 16 ani mi-am realizat dorinta . Am avut o prietena insa nu m-am simtit atras fizic de ea.
Student fiind , m-am imprietenit cu o femeie foarte senzuala, insa sensibila. La cea mai mica neintelegere izbucnea in plins si ameninta ca se sinucide.Am inteles ca am nevoie de o femeie echilibrata cu un caracter stabil.
La 25 de ani am cunoscut o astfel de femeie. Din pacate ea era prea previzibila si m-am plictisit repede.
La 28 de ani am cunoscut o femeie foarte temperamentala . Vorbea mult si cu patos, sarea de la un subiect la altul si era cam certareata de felul ei.Nu am reusit sa tin pasul cu ea.
Am inteles ca am nevoie de o femeie inteligenta cu caracter puternic, care stie ce vrea si stie cum sa-si realizeze dorintele. Am avut noroc si am gasit-o. Ne-am casatorit.
Chestia e ca ea s-a plictisit repede de mine, a cerut divort si a plecat cu tot ce aveam.
Astazi, la 40 de ani, caut femei frumoase cu tite mari.

simizoli21

Un trabantist la Service, catre mecanic: "As vrea sa-i faceti cîteva modificari, sa-i puneti praguri,spoiler, jenti cromate etc. Cît ma costa?"
Mesterul: "Patru euro douazeci."
Trabantistul: "Radeti de mine!"
Mesterul: "Care din noi a început?"

simizoli21

De ce au unele Trabanturi 'dezaburizator' pe geamul din spate?
Pentru ca cel care împinge sa se încalzeasca la mâini.

De ce sta Trabantul la semafor, desi acesta s-a facut verde?
S-a lipit într-o guma de mestecat.

De ce nu are Trabantul centuri de siguranta?
Pentru ca ar putea fi confundat cu usurinta cu un rucsac.

A aparut un model nou de Trabant, cu patru pedale:
Una pentru ambreiaj, una pentru frîna, una pentru acceleratie si una pentru umflat airbag-ul.

Ce e scris la pagina 39 din manualul Trabantului?
Orarul autobuzului.

simizoli21

Ce înseamna un Trabant pe vîrful unui deal?
O minune.

Dar doua Trabanturi pe vîrful unui deal?
SF.

Dar trei Trabanturi pe vîrful unui deal?
Un loc ciudat pentru amplasarea unei uzine  :)))

simizoli21

Directorul unui internat ii previne pe baieti :
- Daca da dracu' si-l prind pe unul din voi in  dormitorul fetelor, il  amendez cu 10 Euro ; a doua oara il ard cu 20 de Euro si a treia oara cu 40 Euro !
Din spate, o voce timida :
- Dom' director, da' un abonament cat costa ?

simizoli21

La miezul noptii, omul isi trezeste nevasta fiindca avea chef sa faca sex. Aceasta, pe jumatate adormita, ii spune :
- Dar de ce trebuie sa ma trezesti, draga ? Doar stii unde le gasesti pe toate !

simizoli21

Iubitule, spune o blonda sotului ei, astazi un coleg mi-a spus la birou un banc cu blonde de m-am prapadit de ris. Era cit pe-aci sa cad din pat...!!!  

Sotul: Nu mai fi suparata! Îti promit ca te fac cea mai fericita femeie din lume.
Sotia: Cînd pleci?

stzellaz

Proaspat casatorita, o fata se plange mamei ca sotul i-a facut o vanataie serioasa sub ochi.
- Sunt surprinsa! Eu il stiam plecat in delegatie, zice mama.
-Si eu!

stzellaz

A murit un tip. La inmormantare colegii enumara toate calitatile lui: destept, educat, inteligent, delicat, credincios... Vaduva asculta, asculta si striga:
- Opriti-va! Cred ca nu il inmormantam pe cel care trebuie!

25

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up, and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt, so I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me! " "Johnny!" the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad!" Johnny said. "It wasn't my fault! There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Lee who was sitting next to me saw it, and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

25

Little Johnny's parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their son's behavior. His mother had heard that a priest in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if they should send Little Johnny to speak with the priest. The husband said, "We might as well... we need to do something before I really lose my temper!" The priest agreed to speak with Little Johnny. The priest sat him down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" Little Johnny made no response, so the priest repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again, Little Johnny made no attempt to answer, so the priest raised his voice again and shook his finger in the boy's face, "Where is God?" A frightened Little Johnny ran out of the room and directly home to his bedroom, where he slammed himself in the closet. Little Johnny's mother followed him into the closet and asked, "What happened?" Little Johnny replied, "I'm in BIG trouble this time... God is missing and they think I did it!"



LOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL :))))

25

The Cozens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cozen made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Cozen turned to his wife... "Show him your tooth, Honey."

25

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first.

:)))

stzellaz

Doi mosi pe o banca:
- Bai Vasile, in cat timp traversezi tu strada asta?
- Mai Ioane cam in 30 de minute.
- Bai Vasile dar tu esti fulger?!

25

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

stzellaz

Ion si cu Maria...
- Hai mai Marie sa ne... si noi.
- Mai Ioane, tu, daca vrei sa te culci cu mine, tre` sa imi dai ceva, ca eu asa pe ochi frumosi nu merg.
- Bine fa, hai ca iti dau mobilu`
Se... Ion si Maria... si dupa aceea Ion da sa plece.
- Ioane ce faci? Ai zis ca imi dai mobilul daca ma culc cu tine.
- Bine fa, Marie, noteaza... 0721...

25

A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, "hey dad, look how fat that lady is!" "Shhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you." "But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!" "Shhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!" "But dad, LOOK HOW BIG AND FAT THAT LADY IS!" "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!" Suddenly the fat lady's beeper goes off. "LOOK OUT DAD, SHE'S BACKING UP!"

danutza

Intr-un oras cu luminile stinse merge o masina cu farurile stinse. La un moment dat, masina loveste un negru.
I: Cum isi da seama soferul ca era negru?
R: Era ziua afara.

stzellaz

Ion si Maria seara in pat dadea sa se culce.
Deodata, Maria ii zice lui Ion:
- Ioaneee uite o plosnita pe perete!
La care Ion raspunde:
- Da ce fa, la bani nostrii vrei sa avem un
Rembrant!

25

A guy goes into the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him "Are you a veteran?" The guy says "Why yes, in fact I served two tours in Vietnam." "Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service related disabilities?" The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled: during a battle an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though." "Sorry to hear about the damage but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8:00 to 4:00. Come on in about 10:00 and we'll get you started." The guy says "If working hours are from 8:00 to 4:00, why do you want me to come at 10:00?" "Well, here at the post office we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"

This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it out and music starts playing! "...On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..." The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the doctor and drags the poor guy back to the table. "Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again, ". . . On the road again . . ." The doctor is totally unimpressed... "So what?" he says. "Isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" the guy asked. "Are you kidding?" says the doctor "Any asshole can sing country music!"

A lady was shopping for a turkey in a grocery store and after pawing through the freezer section and growing dissatisfied with the small ones that were left, she turned to the stock boy and asked snippishly, "Don't these turkeys get any bigger?" To which he calmly replied, "No maam. They're dead!"


atat astazi ..se terminara orele de work :)) enjoy

stzellaz

--------------------------------------------------
------------------------------
Un actor extrem de pretentios ii spune regizorului:
- Uite ce e, vorbeste cu producatorul. Nu accept ca in acest film istoric sa se umble cu butaforii. La scena celor doua ospete, vanatul sa fie vanat autentic, vinul de Rin sa fie vin de Rin si pastravii sa fie pastravi!
Dupa un timp, regizorul vine cu raspunsul:
- Producatorul e de acord, cu conditia ca, la scena finala, otrava sa fie otrava!

danutza

Bula vine acasa si ii spune ***:
- Draga mea, de azi inainte vom face sex ca la olimpiada!!
- Vai Bula, raspunse ea excitata, adica mai tare..?
- Nu, draga mea.
- Mai repede?
- Nu, draga mea, o data la 4 ani.

stzellaz

La inmormantarea unui cardiolog. Sicriul in forma de inima este asezat intr-o groapa in forma de inima, pe care sunt puse coroane in forma de inima, pe o muzica divina. Un om incepe sa rada.
- De ce razi, esti nesimtit? Cum poti sa razi la inmormantarea unui asemenea om?
-Rad, omule. Ma gandesc la inmormantarea mea, ca sunt ginecolog.

stzellaz

La scoala, invatatoarea e la lectia despre insecte. Exemplul ei este albina.
- Bulisor, zice invatatoarea, da exemplu de insecta!
- Albina.
- Asa, da` da un exemplu din capu` tau!
- A, paduche.

danutza

Ce fac barbatii dupa o partida de sex?
- 5% se intorc pe partea cealalta si adorm bustean;
- 10% isi aprind o tigara;
- 85% se imbraca si pleaca acasa...

Calinas_jr

Where do you get Virgin Wool?
From an ugly sheep!

Calinas_jr

Ai o mama asa de paroasa ca genunchii ei au vartejuri de par.

Calinas_jr

Un mos de 80 ani se duce la controlul psihologic care il face anual : Ii spune doctorului ca e bine, ok, ba chiar mai mult:
- Stiti dom' Dr. eu sunt binecuvantat, de cate ori vreau la toaleta, Dumnezeu imi aprinde lumina cand deschid usa la baie, si o stinge cand inchid usa.
Doctorul vorbeste apoi cu sotia pe hol, ii spune ca este in regula barbutul acesteia dar a pomenit si o chestie ciudata de Dumnezeu. Doctorul ii explica tot ce a zis mosul, la care baba zice:
- Firar, asta iar s-a pis*t in frigider.

Calinas_jr

Cine e cel mai popular barbat pe o plaja de nudisti?
- Cel care poate sa care 2 cesti de cafea si 7 gogosi.


Dar care e cea mai populara nudista de pe plaja?
- Cea care poate manca a 7-a gogoasa.

Calinas_jr

A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says, "hey, you''ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."

Calinas_jr

Intr-o zi profesoara la scoala ii pune pe elevi sa caute o pagina goala in caiet sa noteze ceva?
Toti au gasit numai Bula inca rasfoia.
- Bula ai gasit loc gol?
- Nu doamna prof. , un idiot mi-a trasat linii de-a lungul paginilor.

Calinas_jr

Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bacon!

Calinas_jr

9 blonde si o bruneta se tineau de o funie la o inaltime de 10 etaje, funia era gata sa se rupa si s-au hotarat ca una din fete tre sa isi de-a drumul. Dupa ceva vreme, vazand ca nu renunta nimeni bruneta zice: - Eu, renunt!
Si dupa un ultim discurs emotionant al brunetei blondele au inceput sa aplaude.

larex

mah!...in curand acest site o sa  fie apreciat ca fiind unul dintre cele mai tari site-uri de bancuri in limba engleza!....hehe!...