Bancul Zilei

Gabi

Nu stiu daca sunt primul, dar... nu conteaza, nu :D ?
De la inceputul lunii, de cand "l-am izgonit" pe codrul, am primit numeroase cereri pentru a face un apel la codrul sa se intoarca. Sincer, sunt o persoana orgolioasa, dar cum foarte multa lume spune ca iti duce lipsa, uite, las orgoliul deoparte, pentru ca nu sunt singur pe site, si te rog sa te reintorci.

Alyn°7

Sal all

ionutz_stress

Seful vamesilor avea cea mai beton sotie dintre toti.

Intr-o zi, colegul de tura ii spune :

-Ba, vezi ca nevasta-ta te insala. In fiecare dimineata, cand tu pleci la lucru, intra un barbat la ea.

Bineinteles ca vamesul nu il crede dar totusi se hotaraste sa verifice. A doua zi de dimineata, se face el ca pleaca la serviciu, iese afara si urmareste. Sta ce sta si odata vede un tip bine intrand la el in casa. Turbat, intra inauntru, se duce, se uita sub pat :

- Aici nu e! se uita in dulap, la baie: aici nu e! se duce in dulap la sufragerie, acolo, un tip cu 100$ in mana: aici nu e!

Benu

Avand in vedere ca mi se intampla destul de des sa primesc niste priviri de-a dreptul ucigase, de la niste persoane de varsta a 14-a, care in loc sa stea acasa , sa astepte postasul cu pensia, se plimba ZILNIC incolo si incoace, parca numai ca sa-mi faca mie viata un cosmar prin mijloacele de trasnport in comun! :))))))))), sunt total de acord cu bancul lui Alin7 :)))))))))))

alynabest

hielau pple ;;)

fetele galagioase, a fst ok party`ul si fara sfori, nu ? :))) ... mna, darky asta n`a my venit sa mi le aduca, ca i le`am dat sa aranjeze funditele, si cred ca a gresit adresa, unde trebuia de fapt sa vina :))) :P:P:P

HAIDUCUL1

In timp ce zbura, prin fata unui vultur trece o vulturitza. Vulturul se excita teribil si asta-l dezechilibreaza in zbor. O cioara-l intreaba:
- Ce faci vulturule?
- Zbor cum vrea p... mea!

25

Alina Plugaru e virgina

Vedeta Porno Alina Plugaru sustine ca toate scenele fierbinti filmate de ea pana acum sunt integral mimate,ea fiind in continuare virgina.

Am aflat povestea Alinei direct de la ea,nimerindu-se ca redactia times sa fie pe traseul vedetei,in cadrul turneului de promovare a unui site autohton.

Potrivit contractului cu site-ul respectiv,Alina se va deplasa timp de 30 de zile prin diferite cartiere bucurestene,din usa in usa,oferind bunatati norocosilor.

E doar o chestiune de imagine

Alina ne-a povestit la o cafea cum a ajuns sa fie cooptata de diversi producatori de filme porno pentru a constitui ceea ce in limbajul specific industriei porno se numeste "masca".Asta inseamna ca in filmele porno de fapt apare fata Alinei,insa nu ea e cea care face efectiv sex,scenele fiind trase separat si mixate in studio.

"Sunt inca virgina!"

"Nu mai suport,sincer,sa fiu considerata o mica tarfulita.Sunt inca virgina!" a declarat printre lacrimi Alina Plugaru,in fata intregii redactii consternate.

"Sunt scarbita de ceea ce se spune despre mine si mai ales ca atatia barbati fac lucruri rusinoase cand se uita la mine crezand ca eu... doamne,nu mai pot..." a mai ingaimat Alina printre sughituri,oftaturi,gemete,tresaltari ale pieptului ei plin, cabrari ale crupei ei bine conturate,oftaturi extraordinar de adanci,scurte fluieraturi si icnituri,in timp ce prin balerinii albi pe care ii purta se vedea clar cum isi incordeaza si misca degetele de la picioare.

Alina e extrem de religioasa

In tot timpul discutiei, Alina strecura pe neobservate exclamatii de o piosenie demna: "ah, doamne! aaahh, doaamne, ah, isuse!", demonstrand caracterul ei dominat de iubirea de Dumnezeu si mai ales de aproapele. Foarte aproapele.

Foarte multi sunt dispusi sa o ajute. Cumva. Oricum.

Altruismul de care romanii au dat intodeauna dovada s-a manifestat deplin si in cazul Alinei. Aceasta a primit zeci, sute de propuneri de rezolvare a situatiei ei delicate.

25

A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm screwing her."

The boss says, "You screw your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

=)))))))))) =)))))))))))))))))) =))))))  old & gold ! :)))))))))))

25

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him. The huge man glares threateningly at his neighbor, crowds the little guy so much that he's flattened against the window, and immediately falls asleep.

After the plane takes off, the little guy starts to feel a little air sick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. After a few attempts, he realizes that he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes over the little fellow. He just can't hold it in any longer and finally pukes all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," the little guy says brightly, "are you feeling better now?"

:)))))))))))))))))))))

25

The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:

"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"

After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered - "I guess you'd be eating alone!"

=))))))))))) =))))))))))) =))))))) =)))))))))))

25

Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't...

10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:

1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.

=))))))))

25

Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home.

At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair. Suddenly the man starting slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up.

A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right. Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side.

Then he starting leaning forward. This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair.

About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?"

"It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart!"

=))))))))))))))) =))))))))))))
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25

Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.

Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.

They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?

He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down."

She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!"

The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"

:))

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' ---that did it!"

=))))))))))))))))))))

25

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

=)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
))))) ... am putea umple si noi un intreg parc auto de autobuze cu ai nostri :))))))))

25

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"

The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

:))))))))

At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.

"Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside the lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror on their faces and hung his own head in shame.

"You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"

=)))))))))

25

Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."

The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"

The boy says, "Catch some chickens."

The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.

The old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy yells back, "Roll of duck tape."

The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"

The boy says back, "Catch me some ducks."

The old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night, around sunset, the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

The old man says, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy says, "It's a pussy willow."

The old man says "Hold on, I'll get my hat."

=))))))))))))))))))))))))

old & gold

25

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.

After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never even tasted it?"

The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, "I must tell you the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."

The rabbi had his turn of interrogation: "I know that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate, but..."

The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."

The two resumed their reading. It was silent for a while.

Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper with a smile and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"

=)))))))))

razvan_spongebob

bun banc cristimilan7

realista4ever

News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.

Alyn°7

Cum de nu-i Codrul printre noi?:|