Bancul Zilei

Doi politisti:
− Dom' sergent, nu cumparati o juma' de porc?
− Ce sa fac cu el ? Sa se rastoarne in cotet?"

O fetita trecand prin fata dormitorului parintilor, isi baga capul in camera sa spuna ceva dar se retrage nedumerita si spune:
-Si cand te gandesti ca pe mine vreau sa ma trimita la psiholog pentru ca imi  sug degetul .

In Ajunul Nasterii Domnului, Mos Craciun vine cu sania trasa de reni, intra pe horn si pune sub brad cadourile.

In conformitate cu dispoziţiile art.192 Cod Penal, infracţiunea de violare de domiciliu constă în pătrunderea în orice mod, într-o locuinţă, încăpere, dependinţă sau loc împrejmuit ţinând de acestea.
Astfel, din modul de reglementare a acestei infractiuni se desprinde concluzia ca, nu intereseaza motivul sau scopul faptei, acestea neavând nici o influenta asupra existentei infractiunii si din moment ce în speta este realizata prin actiunile inculpatului patrunderea fara drept, ( latura obiectiva a infractiunii prevazute de art.192 Cod Penal), iar inculpatul a actionat cu intentie (directa sau indirecta), fapta constituie fara îndoiala infractiunea prev. de art. 192 Cod Penal.

Am fost azi la doftor ca ma durea ceva in partea dreapta, ma consulta un pic doftorul si apoi ma intreaba:
- Beti? Sau macar, ati sarit calul zilele astea cu bautura? ...aveti ficatul marit si cateva inceputuri de pete verzui.
Si l-am corectat:
- Domn' doctor, beau si am baut, dar nu cred ca e de la alcool...mai degraba de la prea multa zeama de varza.

Un belgian, un francez si un roman sunt chemati la interviu pentru o slujba bine platita in Londra. − Vreau sa-mi formulati o fraza care sa contina urmatoarele cuvinte : GREEN, PINK, YELLOW. Belgianul spune : − I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the Pink Panther on TV. Francezul spune : I wake up in the morning, I see the yellow sun, the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day. Romanul spune si el : − I wake up in za morning, and i hear za phone : green… green… green… so i pink up the phone and I say … Yellow?

Un comis voiajor are de facut o comanda la o ferma si pentru ca se facuse tarziu deja ii cere fermierului sa il lase sa nopteze.
− Nu avem camere libere, da' poti sa dormi cu fiica-mea, daca promiti ca nu o deranjezi.
Ideea i se pare buna omului, intra, cineaza si obosit se duce in camera. Se schimba pe intuneric, se urca usor in pat si o simte pe fata la spatele sau. Dimineata, il intreaba pe fermier cat il costa:
− Pai... 20 lei, ca a trebuit sa impartiti patul.
− Fiica dvs... mi s-a parut foarte rece.
− Da, stiu, o sa o ingropam azi...

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin’?