Bancul Zilei

maryjan

neata

cezar-mihai

buna sa fie dimineata ... si placuta sa ne fie duminica :)

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A Buddhist monk goes to a barber to have his head shaved.
"What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.
That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay you, my son?" "No price, for a man of the cloth such as yourself." And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen roses. That day, Rabbi Finklestein comes in to get his payoss [sideburns] trimmed. "What do you want I should pay you?" "Nothing, for a man of God such as yourself." And the next morning, what do you know? The barber finds on his doorstep – a dozen rabbis.

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Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well.
So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'
The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

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INTOTDEAUNA PLATESTE CE DATOREZI!
Nick era un cavaler al regelui Arthur si avea o obsesie deosebita pentru frumosii sani ai reginei, stiind bine ca daca i-ar fi atins ar fi fost condamnat la moarte. Intr-o zi Nick isi face cunoscuta dorinta lui secreta la magul Merlin care gaseste o solutie pentru a satisface dorinta acestuia dar asta il va costa 1000 monede de aur. Nick accepta fara sa ezite.
In dimineata urmatore, magul Merlin prepara o pulbere urticanta si o pune in sutienul reginei in timp ce ea isi facea dusul. Imediat ce regina se imbraca incepe sa simta o mancarime din ce in ce mai mare. Regele Arthur il convoaca pe mag pentru a-i cere un remediu si acesta ii spune ca doar o saliva speciala aplicata pentru patru ore ar putea trata aceasta teribila urticarie si ca din testele facute de el a observat ca doar saliva lui Nick are aceste caracteristici. Regele il cheama imediat pe Nick, care deja si-a luat antidotul pentru pulberea urticanta. Nick saruta si linge pentru cateva ore sanii pe care i-a visat dintotdeauna si pe deasupra vine sarbatorit de curte ca un erou.
Inainte de a se intoarce in camera lui Nick este oprit de mag care ii reaminteste datoria de 1000 de monede de aur. Nick, deja satisfacut, refuza sa plateasca, deoarece magul nu s-ar fi putut confesa , era complice la ceea ce s-a intamplat.
In dimineata urmatoare magul Merlin pune aceeasi pulbere urticanta in chilotii regelui…

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Capitanul unui submarin atomic il cheama la el pe secund:
-Ce a fost bubuitura aia?
-Stiti, sublocotenentul Jimmy a primit o telegrama in care fratele sau ii spunea ca a fugit cu logodnica lui pe insula Bora-Bora!
-Asa, si?
-Cam intr-o ora, Bora-Bora nu va mai exista!

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A few things about Brexit:
-Weather services issue a terrible warning: there will be severe droughts throughout the entire EU as 90% of the rains hitting the EU each year were in UK;
-Greece warned UK that they still have to pay for the Greek debt for another 99 years;
-Vladimir Putin is so happy, he is now drinking whiskey instead of vodka and already invaded Latvia;
-Prince Charles will now need a visa to come to his mansion in Transylvania;
-So will all the drunkards who were coming to Bulgaria for cheap Vodka;
-The educative consequence of Brexit: Englishmen will now have to learn how to wash their cars and do the plumbing, as Romanian car washers and Polish plumbers will leave to Germany and Scandinavia;
-Germany still won't recognize the 1966 World Cup goal;
-The pound will be so worthless that Jeremy Clarkson will actually have to pay his shopping with geese and sticks in his neighborhood from now on;
-British economy will be so in tatters that King Lear's proposal (my kingdom for a horse) will be even less likely to find someone interested now;
-EU just lost 85% of its fat women population;
-Americans who support Trump are now proud: "We are no longer the i.diots of the planet!"