Bancul Zilei

rozalia1

Salut Sfintii, Dracii,Misterios-sokatii, Florile, Culorile, Plantele, Fructele, Literele, Cifrele,Realistele,Fenomene meteo- terestre, Animalele domestice si salbatice, Pasarile, Orasele,Codrii si poienite , nikko si alte id_uri ciudate   va zic buna dimineata la miezul noptii!!!  cate un :*  la fiecare  !! LA MULTI ANI ! celor care-si sarbatoresc ziua de nastere ASTAZI!:)

musilica

am placerea sa va :* :* :* de buna dimineata! :)

shok

neazza

musilica

Un baietel la scoala:
- Sora mea Alinuta este la facultate, sora mea Alinuta este la facultate, sora mea Alinuta este la facultate.
Invatatoarea curioasa intreaba:
-La ce facultate, puiule?
-La facultatea de medicina.
-Si ce face acolo, puiule?
-Sta linistita intr-un borcan.

V|p3r_m3n

Sanatate tuturor... si noroc. :)))))

realista4ever

Un viitor ginerica: Ce este luna de miere ?
Radio Erevan : Este un concediu pe care il capata barbatul inainte de a lucra pentru noul sef.

=)))))))))))))))))

musilica

Barbatii sunt precum timpul: nu poti face nimic ca sa ii schimbi
Barbatii sunt precum vacantele: nu dureaza niciodata destul de mult
Barbatii sunt ca si bananele: cu cat imbatranesc, cu atat sunt mai putin fermi
Barbatii sunt ca si cafeaua: cei mai buni sunt calzi, tari si te tin treaza toata noaptea
Barbatii sunt ca si publicitatea; sa nu crezi niciodata un cuvant din ce zic;
Barbatii sunt ca si contul in banca: fara bani nu prezinta niciun interes
Barbatii sunt ca si floricelele: te satisfac dar, numai pentru putin timp
Barbatii sunt ca si copiatoarele. Servesc la reproducere.
Barbatii sunt precum ninsorile: nu stii niciodata cand vin, cati centimetri cresc, sau cat dureaza.
Barbatii sunt ca si calculatorul: dificili de inteles si permanent fara memorie suficienta

A13A7

neatza! >:D<

realista4ever

Un neuron se intalneste cu o neuronita.
- Ce frumoasa esti azi!
- Multumesc, zise ea, rosind.
- Te invit la o plimbare.
- Accept bucuroasa.
Se prind de dendrite si pleaca.
- Daca te-as cere in casatorie, ai accepta?
- Cred ca da, spuse ea. Il imbratisa cu toate dragostea de care era ea capabila.
Se anunta o nunta ca-n povesti, cu rude mari imparatesti si cu celule gliale.
Neuronul si neuronita s-au iubit, se iubesc si se vor iubi pana la adanci batraneti si vor forma sinapse.

mademoiselle.M

buna dimineata/ziua/seara! :)

realista4ever

La frizer:
- Sa va iau... pe la spate?!

NatyMysin

salutare,salutare!!!


noob. us/humor/10-drugs-you-should-not-be-on-while-drivi ng/

25

In a recent speech, Fidel Castro said the United States cannot successfully compete with Cuba.

If you want to hear the speech, it's available in Havana on eight-track tape.

:))

25

What is long, black, and smelly?

- The unemployment line.


:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

25

There are three types of  sex in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen.

The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom.

The third type of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, ''Screw you.''

But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.

25

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me", she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see", nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter".

"No!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

25

What do dolphins and men have in common?

They say that they're intelligent but no one's been able to prove that.

=))))))))))))

25

apropo de tema lui freza:

72 Questions about the 72 virgins

Copied from an ex-regimental list......

1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?
11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?
12) Is there an age of consent?
13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?
14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?
15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?
16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?
17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?
18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?
19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?
20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?
21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?
22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?
23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?
24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?
25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?
26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?
27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?
28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?

25

29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?
30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?
31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?
32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?
33) If so, are there 72 available?
34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?
35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?
36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?
37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?
38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?
39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?
40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?
41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?
42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?
43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?
44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?
45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?
46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?
47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"
48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?
49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?
50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?
51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?
52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?
53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?
54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?
55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?

25

56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?
57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?
58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?
59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?
60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?
61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?
62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?
63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?
64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?
65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?
66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?
67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?
68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?
69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?
70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?
71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?
72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?


=))))))))))))))) =))))))))))))))) =)))))))))))))) =))))))))))))))

realista4ever

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse. "Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.

The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday. "I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband."

realista4ever

Bill: My wife beats me, doctor.

Doctor: Oh dear. How often?

Bill: Every time we play Scrabble!

realista4ever

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

realista4ever

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

=))))))

realista4ever

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.

realista4ever

Patient: Doctor, is there anything worse than being old and bent?

Doctor: Yes there is...being young and broke.

25

ecou ? :))

realista4ever

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?

Doctor: A shoebox.

=)))))))))))))))))

25

La circ, anunt ca se angajeaza dresor de lei. Se prezinta un tip si o tipa (foarte bine). Directorul: s-o lasam pe domnisoara intii... si, catre ingrijitor: baga ma leul ala abia primit din Bengal. Tinara se duce in arena, leul intra si el, ea nu-l slabeste o clipa din ochi si incepe sa se dezbrace. Goala pusca se aseaza in fund, desface picioarele, si, cu degetul aratator cheama leul catre ea. Acesta se apropie si incepe sa-i linga talpile. Tinara adreseaza leului citeva sunete necunoscute. Acesta incepe sa o linga pe picioare, din ce in ce mai sus, pina ce ajunge "acolo", unde se pune pe lins serios. In extaz, directorul circului il intreaba pe celalalt candidat: ia zi, tu poti sa faci asa ceva?
Sigur ca da, numai scoateti dracului leul ala din arena!

=))))))))))))))))))))))

25

Leul cheama toate animalele si le spune:
- Cei frumosi - in stanga, iar cei destepti - in dreapta.
Toate animalele s-au despartit, numai maimuta a ramas pe loc.
- Dar tu ce faci? - intreaba leul.
- Eu ce vrei, sa ma rup in doua?

=))))))))))) =))))))))))))))))))

25

Un tip vine la medic cu plangeri la insomnie. Examinand pacientul si negasind nimic serios, medicul spune:
- O sa va treaca insomnia, dar cu o singura conditie. In primul rand, nu trebuie sa va culcati cu problemele d-stra.
- Asta ar fi bine, doctore, dar problema e ca sotia refuza sa doarma singura...

:))

25

Zboara o blonda cu avionul. Si tot zborul priveste enervata in fereastra. Este intrebata:
- Va este rau?
- Nu, dar nu pot gasi liniutele...
- ???
- Aaaaaa mi-am adus aminte..... meridianele! Eu ieri le-am vazut pe glob! M-am pregatit!

=))))))))) =))))))))

realista4ever

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure.
When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"

=)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

25

- Asculta, Maria si-a cumparat un covor persan!
- Ei si?
- Pai acum ii pune pe toti sa-si scoata incaltamintea la intrare.
- E si normal, covorul doar e persan.
- Da, dar covorul sta pe perete.

25

Isus, vazand un tip absolut fara miscare, ii spune:
- Ridica-te si mergi!
Nici o reactie. Atunci Isus isi repeta cuvintele. Iarasi fara rezultat. Aici intra Sf. Ioan cu lista bolnavilor si spune:
- Invatatorule, Te gresesti.
- Ioane, asta e imposibil, Eu nu gresesc niciodata.
- Stiu, dar acest om nu e paralizat, ci surd.

25

Niciodata sa nu te temi sa faci ceea ce poti.
Tine minte, "Arca lui Noe" a fost construita de un amator. Profesionistii au facut "Titanic"-ul.

=)))))))))))))) =)))))))))))))) =))))))))))))) good point !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

25

Un tip cu o "mica" vanataie la ochi merge obosit prin oras.
- Aratati foarte rau, - se adreseaza un trecator. - Hai sa va duc acasa.
- In nici un caz! De acolo vin..

=)))

25

Why do Women go for circumcised men?

Because they can't refuse anything with 10% off.


=)))))))))))))

musilica

Parinte… am pacatuit…
- Zi-mi, fiule!
- Am fost la o petrecere… si acolo am intalnit o tanara…. si o voce imi zicea:
“Fa-o!… Uite cum arata!“…
iar alta voce imi zicea
“Ai copii si nevasta acasa…. nu o face!”
- Si ce ai facut, fiule?
- Pai… n-am facut-o… dar am pacatuit cu gandul….
- Fiule… trebuie sa te duci acasa…. si timp de o saptamana sa bei cate 3 galeti de apa pe zi.
- De ce trei galeti, parinte?
- Pentru ca asa bea un bou!

25

Ce sa fac?
- Doctore, lucrez ca un cal, mananc ca un purcel, obosesc ca un caine, ce sa fac?
- Nu stiu, nu sunt veterinar. Urmatorul!

:))

25

Doctore, ce sa fac?
- Doctore, mereu ma tem de ceva, fara un motiv oarecare.
- Asistent! Purgative! Luati si o sa aveti motiv. Urmatorul!

:))))

25

Doctore, ce sa fac?
- Doctore, am diaree permanenta, alerg la wc de 10 ori pe zi!
- Asistent! Purgative! Acum nu veti alerga, o sa traiti acolo. Urmatorul!

:))

musilica

- Numim hot pe cel care ia proprietatea altuia – explica profesorul.
- Bula, tu nu esti atent!
- Ba da, domnule profesor.
- Atunci spune-mi, ce as fi eu daca ti-as scoate din buzunar 10 000 de lei?
- Vrajitor, domnule profesor.

25

Un dialog de dimineata:
- Scumpo, stii, cand ma barbieresc dimineata, ma simt cu zece ani mai tanar.
- Dar nu ai putea sa ta barbieresti seara?

=)))))))))))))

25

In timpul sapaturilor intr-o localitate din India, a fost gasita o statueta a zeului Kettalmingio nducahteltimna celtalndi - zeul memoriei si vorbirii corecte.

:)) got it ? :)))

25

Intr-un restaurant:
- Nemaiauzit! De ce cereti ca eu sa achit plata inainte de a lua masa?
- Problema e ca d-stra ati comandat ciuperci...

=))))))))))

25

Eterna intrebare e femeilor: ce sa mai mananc ca sa slabesc?

25

Comandantul in fata soldatilor:
- Regimul pentru astazi - trebuie sa facem alergare 15km! Va conduce batalionul - soldatul Ion, ce se va afla in fata tuturor si veti alerga dupa el.
Toti au inceput sa se bucure - soldatul Ion alearga cel mai incet.
- O alta noutate este ca soldatul Ion va merge cu masina.

V|p3r_m3n

Incepand de acum, sa numai lasati azi niciun comentariu. Nu vreau sa imi fure careva chenarul. Multumesc anticipat! :)))))

musilica

Cu regret va anuntam ca azi a murit Adi Minune…
s-a spanzurat de un bonsai

musilica

Multumesc tuturor celor care mi-au trimis mesaje faine pe YM, pt. ca:
1. Nu mai beau cola de cand am descoperit ca dizolva orice organic.
2. Nu mai merg la cinema de frica sa nu ma asez pe un ac de seringa infectat cu SIDA!
3. Put deoarece nu mai folosesc deodorant care poate sa-mi provoace cancer!
4. Nu mai ies cu nici o fata deoarece mi-e frica ca ma atrage undeva, ma drogheaza si-mi scoate rinichii si ii vinde la negru’!
5. Am pus toti banii economisiti in contul lui Mary Poppin, o fetita sarmana care are vro’ 20 de boli incurabile.
6. Am redifuzat toate mesajele <norocoase> la cunostintele mele de frica sa nu devin impotent daca nu le trimit!

realista4ever

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie...

realista4ever

I would like to see you in something long and flowing, like the river.

25

Recomand un film SF bun: DISTRICT 9

http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=d6PDlMggROA

Nota IMDB: 8.9/10  (7,643 votes)

musilica

IMNUL BETIVILOR

Hai sa dam mâna cu mâna,
Toti betivii din comuna,
Sa-nvârtim hora betiei,
Pe podeaua berariei.
Unde-i unul nu-i putere
La butoiul plin cu bere,
Unde-s doi puterea creste
Si butoiul se goleste.

musilica

gata! pana aici!  noapte buna si pupici! :* :*

codrul

gata! eu sunt aici deci...pana la mine!! am preluat legatura si binenteles ...toti pupicii!! ceee? numai doi? atunci numai 2 minute pastrez legatura! NEATA si bine v-am gasit (dormind)! chestia cu punctuletele si stelutele raman valabile...normal ca numai pentru fete, nici macar unul pentru gyovy ca...a primit ieri destule stelute! a fost la pescuiala si...l-a bombardat ploaia de stele!! daca va intrebati de unde a luat punctuletele, o sa ramaneti cu...intrebarea!!!

codrul

Cine se scoala de dimineata... ii vede pe ceilalti dormind! Si zau ca-i asa...somnorosilor!!

codrul

Munca te mentine-n viata ...iar eu vreau sa traiesc cat pot de mult, asa ca ...am plecat la munca!! stelute si punctulete la toate fetele...care le vor! inclusiv lui...dar nu dau nume ca poate iar se...ofenseaza!!!

misterra

Quote of the Monday:  
When your road has 10 steps you need to take, first 9 steps are half of the trip
_______________________________
Gnadul zilei de Luni:
Cand aveti  10 pasi de facut, 9 pasi inseamna jumatatea drumului.

sanmarco

Azi e 17 august!

eu.sonia

buna buna :D :* am revenit :)) o saptamana frumoasa sa aveti! :*

Efe

Buna dimineata!:*:*:*

A13A7

Iliescu se intalneste cu Bush ca intre sefi de state. Din una din alta ajung sa vorbeasca de pregatirea soldatilor lor.
Bush: - Eu ma mandresc cu soldatii mei; ei mai intai gandesc si apoi executa.
Iliescu: - Si eu ma mandresc cu ai mei da ei mai intai executa si apoi gandesc.
- Pai hai sa-i punem la incercare; ne alegem fiecare cate unul si vedem de ce sunt in stare.
- Foarte bine.
- Mike, vino aici si da-i o palma lui Iliescu.
Sta asta se gandeste, pana la urma spune:
- Nu pot sefu`; e presedinte, e la noi in vizita, nu pot
Iliescu: - Da imi place, da hai sa vezi si tu acum. Gheorghe, vino ma incoa`.
- Sa traiti; ordonati!
- Da-i o palma lui Bush!
Asta se conformeaza, si ii trage una de mai sa cada pe jos.
Bush: - Bravo ma, da acum la ce se gandeste?
Iliescu: - La ce te gandesti ma?
- Pai ma gandeam ca la palma aia mai mergeau doi pumni...

A13A7

Un copil, la gradinita, incearca sa isi incalte cizmulitele. Pentru ca nu se descurca, a cerut ajutorul educatoarei. Cu tot trasul si impinsul, cizmulitele nu voiau nicidecum sa intre. Pana cand a reusit totusi sa il incalte, educatoarei i-au aparut broboane de transpiratie pe frunte. De aceea aproape ca i-au dat lacrimile cand copilul i-a zis:
-Doamna, dar sunt puse invels…
Intr-adevar, erau puse gresit… Nu a fost cu nimic mai usor sa ii scoata cizmulitele decat sa i le puna, totusi a reusit sa isi pastreze calmul pana cand cizmulitele au fost iar incaltate, tot cu sudoare pe frunte, dar de data aceasta asa cum trebuia. Insa atunci baietelul a zis:
-Cizmulitele astea nu sunt ale mele!!!
In loc sa tipe la el “De ce nu mi-ai spus?”, educatoarea si-a muscat buza si inca o data s-a chinuit sã il descalte. Cand s-a terminat chinul descaltatului, baietelul i-a spus:
-Sunt cizmulitele flatelui meu. Mama mi-a zis sa le incalt pe astea azi.
Acum ea nu mai stia ce sa faca… Sa planga sau sa rada? A reusit totusi sa stranga suficienta rabdare pentru a se lupta din nou cu cizmulitele. Cand, in sfarsit, l-a incaltat, inainte de a-l trimite afara la joaca, l-a intrebat:
-Si acum, unde iti sunt manusile? Trebuie sa ti le pun in maini ca sa poti pleca afara!
-Le-am bagat in cizmulite ca sa nu le pield…

A13A7

Gigel ii spune mamei:
-Mama, ieri dupa ce-ai plecat de-acasa, a venit o tanti blonda si frumoasa si s-a dus cu tata in camera si…
Mama-sa il intrerupe:
Stii ce, sa repeti asta cand vine taica-tu acasa!
Ajunge acasa tatal, mama ii face semn copilului, iar acesta reia:
-Si cum iti spuneam, mama, ieri cand tu n-ai fost acasa, a venit o tanti blonda si s-a dus cu tata in camera si…
-Si? Siiiii??? intreaba mama nerabdatoare.
-Si tata a tavalit-o-n pat exact asa cum te tavaleste pe tine de obicei postasul

realista4ever

Cine naiba m-a pus sa beau cafea =))))))))))))))))))

NatyMysin

failed. ro/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/6rampy456281-02.jpg

NatyMysin

trilulilu. ro/kaz3/7fdf7d01047561

sanmarco

E ora pranzului! Hai la masa!

Carboplex

zappp!!

Eu4ever

salut lume!


salut storm :*

origami

- John, unde e palaria mea?
- O aveti pe cap, sir.
- Bine, o gasesc eu mai tarziu.

wishoflove

buna dimineata !

wishoflove

Dorind sa-i faca o surpriza sotului care era mare banker, sotia ii face o vizita la birou. Intra si il vede stand linistit cu secretara in brate. Fara sa ezite bancherul spune: ...domnilor, o fi criza financiara, dar eu nu pot lucra doar cu un scaun in birou!

wishoflove

ti kanete ? isaste oli kala ?
vlepo oti ehete orexi yia plaka, proi, proi......;):P

origami

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high
school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other
in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same
college but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the
guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each
other and to spend anytime they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home,
and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he
emailed her, she took days to return his messages.
Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn`t
take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to
win back her love.
She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new
boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So, what she did is this:
She took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend`s
unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading,
`I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.`
Well, needless to say, this guy was broken but, even more so, he was
pissed. So, what he did next was awesome. He wrote on the back of the photo the following,
`Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!
I`m getting pretty desperate!` and mailed the picture to her parents.

covex_robu

Cica antrenorul Olandei isi anunta jucatorii ca au meci contra Romaniei. Nimeni n-are chef, si la un moment dat portarul Van der Saar zice:
- Baieti, uite ce zic eu, joc eu singur contra Romaniei, si voi mergeti intr-un club, ok?
Toti sunt de acord. La un moment dat aprind televizorul si ce vad: 1-0 pentru Olanda, gol Van der Saar in minutul 5! Toti veseli, sting televizorul si se pun iar pe baute… La capatul celor 90 de minute aprind din nou televizorul si… “Romania – Olanda 1-1, gol Mutu, in minutul 90.”
Dau fuga toti la stadion si in vestiar il gasesc pe Van der Saar, disperat, cu capul in maini…
- Ce s-a intamplat mai Van der Saar?
- Baieti, imi pare sincer rau, am fost eliminat in minutul 6 …

origami

- Vii in seara asta la mine sa vezi ultimul film al lui Tom Cruise?
−  Si daca nu-mi place? intreaba ea.
−  Te imbraci si pleci!

origami

Cine e mai mare: Luna sau Soarele?
Luna, fiindca are voie sa iasa noaptea!

origami

Un frate ii zice alarmat predicatorului:
−  In timpul predicii de azi mi-au furat ceasul si portofelul!
−  Aleluia! in sfarsit ii atragem pe pacatosi!

origami

Merg doi popi pe drum si din partea cealata vine o femeie frumoasa si nespus de buna. O rafala de vant ii invaluie fusta si descopera niste picioare si un sold criminal. Unul dintre popi:
−  Parinte, dumneavoastra nu sunteti sensibil la astfel de faze?
−  Asculta frate, daca sutana mea ar fi un clopot, sfintia ta ar fi ramas surd de lovitura limbii clopotului!

origami

Doi tipi casatoriti stau de vorba:
−  La mine in casa canta cocosul. Eu am intotdeauna ultimul cuvant.
−  Dar ce spui?
−  "Da, draga mea."

origami

Ce asemanare este intre un savant si o femeie?
Savantului ii trec chestii prin cap, iar femeii ii trec capuri prin chestie.

covex_robu

Aliosa in armata, in Siberia, iarna. Afara erau -10 grade.
Intr-o zi, vine comandantul si face adunarea.
- Ba baieti, am sa va pun la o incercare! Cine trece, pleaca acasa o saptamana. Cui i se scoala pe frigul asta, pleaca!
Toti si-o freaca, nimic! Numai lu' Aliosa i se scoala.
Dupa o luna, mai frig afara, -30 grade, vine comandantul.
- Baieti, cui i se scoala acum, pleaca! Toti si-o freaca, nebuni. Nimic! Doar la Aliosa, p**a tapana.
Vine Aliosa, de-acasa, dupa o luna, si, dupa o saptamana, iar vine comandantul, afara fiind mai frig, -40 de grade.
- Acum, cui i se scoala, pleaca de tot! Si-o frecau toti, disperati, de le luau foc mainile, dar nimic. Numai la Aliosa, p**a era tapana.
Comandantul catre asta:
- Ce, dracu, faci, ba, de ti se scoala in halul asta?
- Domnule comandant, pe mine asa m-a prins inghetul.

covex_robu

Un francez, un rus si un neamt se laudau cu realizarile tarilor lor.
Francezul: - Noi avem automobile foarte moderne, dar folosim Renault-ul pentru deplasare in interiorul Frantei, si Peugeot-ul, cand mergem in afara Frantei.
Neamtul: - Si noi la fel, folosim Volkswagen-ul in interiorul Germaniei si Mercedesul, cand mergem in afara.
Rusul: - Si noi la fel, Lada in Rusia si tancurile peste hotare...

covex_robu

Ii zice Aliosa lui Ivan:
- Ba Ivane, tu sa stii ca nu exista femei urate, ci numai prea putina vodca...

covex_robu

Mergeau unii, cu trenul, prin Siberia.
Pe seara, se opreste trenul. Sta o ora, sta 2.
La un moment dat, intreaba unul:
- Ce faceti, ba? De ce nu plecam?
- Schimbam locomotiva!
Peste o ora, iar:
- Ce faceti, ba? De ce nu plecam?
- Schimbam locomotiva!
Spre dimineata, acelasi tip, iar:
- Ce faceti, ba? N-ati schimbat, inca, locomotiva?
- Ba da!
- Pai, si atunci, de ce nu plecam?
- Am schimbat-o pe votca!

covex_robu

Becali, la pescuit...
Coboara din Maybach, scoate mulineta de aur, cu fir de matase si ac de diamant si da la peste.
Cand, ia sa vezi minunatie: Prinde pestisorul de aur.
La care, pestisoru': - Stii, eu sunt pestisoru' ala de aur, cu alea 3 dorinte...
Becali: - Hmm ... bine, mah, hai spune ce vrei...

covex_robu

-Gata, zise unul dintre pescari, azi am venit degeaba. Nu mai este nimic de facut! Sa ne strangem sculele si sa plecam acasa!
- Ba mai avem ceva de facut.
- Ce?
- Sa ne punem de acord cu ce povestim acasa

covex_robu

Un curios se uita si el la niste pescari.
La un moment dat, unul dintre ei reuseste sa prinda un somn de toata frumusetea.
Il scoate din carlig si il arunca inapoi in apa.
- Ce faci, omule? striga curiosul.
- Ce sa fac cu ditamai pestele, cand tigaia mea e lata doar de-o schioapa?

shok

buna dimineata diseara.ro...sau poate...buna seara dimineata. ro

covex_robu

Ce faci, Nae? Pescuiesti?
- As, da' de unde. Inec ramele, care mi-au invadat gradina.

codrul

salutari din zona...mea acum la orele amiezii!!

codrul

Orice lucru bun in viata e ilegal, imoral sau ingrasa...si eu care ziceam ca-i un lucru bun sa nu ma gandesc la femei...astrazi!! asta e...m-am inselat!!! buna fetelor, un pupic ceva?

codrul

Bate si ti se va deschide... dosar penal!!

codrul

In atentia...unuia:

Cine NE viziteaza si intra-n jocul nostru, ne face ONOARE, cine NU, PLACERE!!!

nikko

buna ziua!:D