Bancul Zilei

smudo

die

shok

(:| neatza

Carboplex

zzzaaaaaaapppppppp!@@

DarKAngeLX

sooo... wassup... ? :D wazzzzaaaaaaaaaaaapppp... :P

shok

ba...da unde'i cristinel?

Boo!!

Intr-o noapte vin hotii in casa la Bula. Tot cauta ei ce cauta si nu gasesc nimic.In

acest timp se trezeste nevasta lu Bula si zice:

-Bula! Bula! Bula, trezeste ca au venit hotii!!

-Taci femeie! Eu ma ascund de rusine ca nu avem nimica in casa si tu urli in gura mare.

yang2001

neatza!!

Plecasem din Constanta spre Bucuresti. M-am oprit la benzinarie sa folosesc toaleta. Prima cabina era ocupata, asa ca am intrat in a doua. Abia m-am asezat, cand aud din cabina cealalta:
- Salut, ce faci?
Nu fac parte dintre aceia care intra in discutii intr-un WC, dar acum am raspuns:
- Destul de bine!
La care tipul intreaba:
- Incotro mergi?
Ce intrebare! Discutia incepea sa fie bizara, asa ca am raspuns scurt:
- Bucuresti!
La care vecinul, mai nervos, spune:
- Auzi, fii atent! Te sun mai tarziu, ca am un tampit in cabina alaturata care-mi raspunde la toate intrebarile. Pa!

25

In Hawaii, a billion dollar Navy warship has run aground. They can't get it unstuck.
Its name? The U.S.S. Economy.
- Jay Leno

How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.

Alin_sky_walker

De fapt, spune un scotian intr-un magazin de palarii, nu vreau sa cumpar palaria care mi-ati aratat-o. As dori una asa cum am eu pe cap. Si ea a fost cumparata tot din magazinul dumneavoastra. - Imposibil, zice vinzatorul, eu am deschis magazinul numai de 50 de ani!...

NatyMysin

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.


The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys sever al new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.




The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.


Again, the man is impressed.




The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.




Obviously, the man was impressed.




The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.



Then he married the one with the biggest tits.


Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

yang2001

Un clujean vine în Bucuresti să se plimbe. Se duce el la un hotel şi cere o cameră. Recepţionerul îi spune că daca vrea cameră este una de două persoane pe care trebuie să o împartă cu un negru. Clujeanul nu are ce face şi împarte camera cu acel negru. Anunţă recepţionerul să îl scoale dimineaţa la 6 că are tren şi intră în cameră. Cînd îl vede pe negru îi zice:
- Bă, urît eşti, bă!
Negrul nu are nici o reacţie. Văzînd că nu zice nimic, clujeanul începe să-l înjure. Negrul, înţelegînd ce zicea românul, îl vopseşte pe clujean cu negru în timp ce acesta dormea. Dimineaţa, îl scoală cei de la hotel pe clujean. Intrînd în baie, se uită în oglindă şi cînd se vede negru îşi zice:
- Uite, proştii în loc să mă scoale pe mine l-au sculat pe negru.

irish_boy23

Câteva perle culese din armata româna:

1.Fruntasul Popescu va fi pedepsit cu 5 zile de arest pe motiv ca a fost gasit cu o persoana de sex feminin la gardul unitatii în loc sa fie în pat...

2.Sergentul Stanescu va fi pedepsit cu 5 zile de arest pe motiv ca imitând vocea locotenentului Ionescu, a urlat ca un bou...

3.Instructia domnului medic militar Vasilescu, cu tema "Cum ramân sanatos" se amâna pe motiv de boala...

4.Bagati la tartacuta, regulamentul nu poate fi încalcat absolut niciodata, cu exceptia situatiilor prevazute de regulament!

5.Sa nu mai prind picior de soldat nebarbierit prin unitate!

6.Mai rahat, nu mai misca în formatie ca te manânc!

7.O mâna criminala a dat cu piciorul si a spart chiuveta!

8.Am auzit un zâmbet în formatie!

9.Bateti trei pasi si începeti sa cântati cu stângul!

10.Sa nu mai prind televizorul mergând noaptea prin camera!

misterra

A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the
detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of
compromising situations as the man can get.

Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs.
They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos.
The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park
laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he
watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and
the man are sharing obvious utter glee.

"Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing ! I just can't believe it."

"What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I
have all the times and dates in my log."

"I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that
much fun."

misterra


Marinarul ajunge acasa dintr-o cursa are a durat peste 2 ani, si are marea surpriza sa isi gaseasca sotia alaptand bebelusul de nici 2 luni. Furios, s-a hotarat sa afle cine este responsabil pt asta, ca sa se poate razbuna.
"Cred ca a fost prietenul meu Sam", spune sotul.
"Nu, nu a fost el"
"Atunci poate prietenul meu Peter", incearca din nou sa ghiceasca el.
"Nu", raspunde sotia tot mai trista.
"Aha, inseamna ca a fost prietenul meu Jim"
"Nici el"
"Atunci care dintre nemernicii aia de prieteni a fost?"
"Auzi... Tu chiar ai impresia ca eu nu am prieteni deloc?"

misterra


Bill rents an apartment in Chicago, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl, so she strikes up a conversation with him.
As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, he places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go to my apartment. I hear someone coming..."
Bill follows her into the apartment. Once inside, she leans against the wall allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now completely nude, she purrs, "What would you say is my best feature?"
The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, your best feature has to be your ears!"
She's astounded! "Why my ears? Looks at these breasts! They're full, they don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My butt is firm and doesn't sag, and have no cellulite! So, why in in the world would you say my ears are my best feature?"
Clearing his throat once again, Bill stammers, "Because, when we were in the hallway you said you heard someone coming... that was me!"

misterra


Doi politisti se intalnesc pe strada.
- De unde vii Gica ?
- De la policlinica. Tocmai am facut un test de inteligenta.
- Si cum a iesit ?
- Slava Domnului, negativ!

misterra

Two Poles, Markowski and Krachevski go to France on a pleasure trip. They meet this Frenchman called Jean Paul and become good pals. Jean Paul finds these two Poles some-what amusing and so he goes all out to make them happy. He treats them at pubs, bars, discotheques.
This goes on for a while until one fine day Jean Paul does not turn up. The Poles assume that some important work would have held him up and do not take a serious note of it. But, perhaps something was serious as Jean Paul does not turn up for next five days.
At this the Poles get alarmed and go to the police station to lodge a report. The inspector asks them to give details of the person who's missing. The following conversation follows:
Markowski: Well, his name is Jean Paul.
Inspector: It's a very common name in France. Something more please.
Krachevski: Well, he is very tall.
Inspector: Most of the people in France are tall. Big deal.
Markowski: Well, he's got blue eyes.
Inspector: Oh! no. Something more substantial.
Krachevski: I got it. This is slightly uncommon. I'm sure now you shall be able to track him. You see, He's got two holes in his ass.
Inspector: (shocked): Well, well, that's curious. Are you sure?
Krachevski: Ya! Ya!
Inspector: Are you definitely sure that this very personal info you have is CORRECT?
Krachevski: Most certainly.
Inspector (still skeptical): But how're you so sure?
Krachevski: Simple. Whenever we used to go with him to the bar, everyone used to greet him as "Here comes Jean Paul with the two ass-holes!"
=))) pt cine a avut rabdare sa il citeasca si pricepere sa il traduca... felicitari si repectele mele :-)

Carboplex

Tiganul mere cu puradelul la talcioc. Neavand bani, ciordeste o pereche de sandale pentru ala mic. Il incalta si merg spre cortul lor. Puradelu scancind:
- Ale cuie tata!
- Ale tale, halitz'as mutra de boboc, pentru tine le'am ciordit!
Mai merg cateva minute, puradelul incepand sa planga:
- Ale cuie tata!
- Ale tale negriciosu' lu tata, luate'as la palme!
Dupa inca ceva vreme, puradelul zbierand de'a binelea:
-ALE CUIE TATAAA!
-Ale tale phutu'ti mhortzii matii de cioara mica, umblatzi'as in gura ca'n sertare, ALE TALE!!
Puradelul se sperie si nu mai zice nimic. Ajunsi la cortul lor, tiganul il descalta pe ala mic si ii vede picioarele pline de sange:
- Haoleu, rupetz'as gatu de prost, de ce n'ai zis nic, bagate'as in ciment? Dita` cuiele ies din talpa!!
Puradelul: Da am zis tata ca ale cuie, da ma injurai!

Romario

Sal all

NatyMysin

O cercetare recenta a descoperit ca barbatul e cel mai nefericit animal pentru ca el are tzatze fara lapte, oua fara coaja, cocosel fara aripi si sacul fara bani... De asemenea, 80 % dintre femei nu se casatoresc pentru ca si-au dat seama ca pt 70 g de carnat nu are sens sa tii tot porcul in casa...

Luci_an

ursu nu e cool e true:))