Bancul Zilei

Carboplex

ţaaaapppp!!

V|p3r_m3n

Buna dimineata! Unde vreti voi, dar bere sa fie. :))))

25

The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle.  He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the
Cardinal next to him, "What's a four letter word, ending in U - N - T that means 'woman'?"

The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn't even bother to look up.  "*A*unt, your Holiness."

The Pope didn't speak for a second.  "Oh."  He paused.  "Do you have an eraser?"

25

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.
It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

gyovy

Neatza!

Eu4ever

m-ati vazut la meci? aveam o peruca multicolora! :D

sanmarco

oprisa_cosmin, cine ti-a facut beciul ? Caut meseriasi sa-mi fac si eu unul!

sanmarco

STORM si-a vopsit caii !

mpq

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

When he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled: "Let's go! Let's go!"

The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer: "and make three or four low-level passes."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.

After a long pause, the pilot said: "You mean you're not the instructor?"

nikko

- Am venit să cer mana fiicei dv.
- Cu plăcere. Nu că e fata mea, dar e foarte ageră. De mică era aşa. Nici la şcoală nu s-a dus. Prevăzuse încă de pe atunci că într-o zi va veni un fraier bogat ca să-i ceară mana!

mpq

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

A: Marry it.

mpq

A pair of old drunks were lounging in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand"

"So," says the second drunk: "What's your point?"

"Well," says the first: "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

nikko

- Bulisor, tu ce vrei sa te faci cand vei fi mare?
−  Visez sa fiu miliardar, ca tatal meu.
−  Pai ce, tatal tau e miliardar?
−  Nu, si el viseaza.

nikko

Ministrul apararii se plimba prin Bucuresti.Intra intr-o florarie, iar patronul il saluta:
"Am onoarea sa va salut Domnule Ministru!"
Acesta mirat il intreaba;
- De unde ma cunosti?
- Am fost cadru militar si am iesit la pensie "cu ordonanta", iar din banii primiti mi-am deschis aceasta afacere.
- O, asta-i foarte bine! Vezi, ministerul te-a ajutat sa te integrezi in societate.
Mai intra in alt butique si ... istoria se repeta.
La un moment dat vrea sa calatoreasca cu metroul si la intrare, un cersetor il saluta "am onoarea sa va salut Domnule Ministru!"
Ministrul intreaba:
- Tot militar pensionat "cu ordonanta"?
- Nu! Eu sunt cadru activ!

nikko

Crezi in dragoste la prima vedere sau mai e nevoie sa mai trec inca o data?

mpq

Three women were sitting around, throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said: "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."

Joanne giggled and confessed: "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked: "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"

Kathy frowned and said: "The postman."

"Why the postman?" asked Joanne.

"Because he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."

mpq

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was terrible when it came to counting money and adding up figures.

"Where did you get your financial education?" he asks.

"Yale," replies the lad. The manager is sure he's misheard the man, so he asks his question again and the man again responds, "Yale."

That can't be right, thinks the manager, so he decides he's going to check it out online.

"And what's your full name again?" asks the manager.

"Yim Yohnston."

mpq

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The guy sits at the bar and starts talking to the bartender. While they're talking, the monkey walks over to the pool table and eats one of the pool balls. The bartender says to the guy:

"What's wrong with your monkey? He just ate one of the pool balls!"

The guy replies: "I can't help it. He eats anything and everything, and there doesn't seem to be a thing I can do to stop it."

He then picks up the monkey and leaves. A few days later, the guy shows up at the bar and again, he has the monkey with him. This time, the monkey sits down at the bar, grabs a peanut from a dish, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it back out and eats it. The bartender says to the guy: "What the heck is he doing now?"

The guy answers: "He still eats pretty much everything, but after the ball incident a few days ago, he checks to make sure it will fit before he eats it."

nikko

Criminalule!

mpq

Three nuns die and go to Heaven, but before they can enter they are each asked a question by the gatekeeper. He goes to the first nun and asks: "Who was the first man on Earth?"

She says: "That's an easy one: Adam."

So the gatekeeper lets her into heaven. He goes to the second nun and asks: "Who was the first woman on Earth?"

She says: "Oh, that's an easy one: Eve."

So the gatekeeper lets her in. He goes up to the last nun and asks: "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

The nun replies: "Now that's a hard one."

And the gatekeeper lets her in.

mpq

God is worn out, so he tells St. Peter: "You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions about where I might go?"

St. Peter thinks, and then says: "How about Jupiter? It's nice this time of year."

God says: "No, too much gravity on Jupiter. It hurts my back."

St. Peter says: "OK, how about Mercury?"

God says: "No way! It's way too hot for me on Mercury."

St. Peter exclaims: "I know! How about going to Earth for your vacation?"

God says: "Are you kidding? I went there 2,000 years ago, had an affair with some Jewish girl, and they're still talking about it!"

25

Copiii sunt lucruri traznite:

2 ani si 2 luni:
Monica ridica coada catelului si se uita atenta sub ea. Apoi se intoarce intrebator catre mami:
- Batelii?!
(Cu ce-o merge domne' cainele asta ca nu vad unde-i bagi bateriile)

=))))))))))) =))))))))))

2 ani si 4 luni:
Mami si tati pleaca la cumparaturi. Monica ramane cu "Laluca".
Mami: Ce sa-ti cumplere tie mami?
Monica: Tot ce vleau!

2 ani si 5 luni:
Bunicul: - Monica, te duci la anul la gradinita?
Monica: - Mai vedem.

:)))

2 ani si 5 luni:
Monica are un joc magnetic cu diverse forme si culori care se pun pe o planseta si se pot face case, animale, etc.
Monica pusese niste cercuri si patrate divers colorate aiurea pe planseta.
Mami: - Ce-ai desenat mami acolo?
Monica: - Art Nuvo

=))))))))

2 ani si 7 luni:
Mare moment de tandrete. Monica imi ia capul intre maini, ma pupa si declara "te mai iubesc un pic si plec!"

:)))))))

Cipi,la 3-4 ani, cand vede fulgerand afara : "Ia uite, sudeaza cerul !"  :)))

Cipi( tot vreo 4 ani ), despre tunet : "sufletele arunca cu petarde"  (!!!)  0.o :))

Cipi cand voia sa ma complimenteze, si nu stia cum sa zica c-as fi cea mai frumoasa, mai desteapta, mai buna, s.a.m.d., facea un "rezumat" de genul : "Mami, tu esti cel mai mult !"

:)))

CIPI:

Mami, sunt grav obosit !

"Vai , ce lectie periculoasa am învatat azi !" ( li se vorbise despre incendii )

"Mami, am nevoie de un plicutiu !" plicutiu = prescurtarea de la "plic cu timbru"

"Am ramas în panica cu doua pixuri !"

" Vai...ce vreme bulgaroasa este afara !"

" Stelele fac pi.pi " ploaia, in viziunea lui Cipi, la 2- 3 ani :))))

"Nu sunt deloc temos "

"Stiloul meu a avut o chestie incursiva la scoala " ( s-a intrerupt )

"Sunt cel mai prost pictator din clasa !"

" M-am lovit la cotul mic de la picior !" (ousorul piciorului )

"Ma doare adîncitura umflata de la burtica !"

25

CIPI:
Cand a fost pentru prima data la mare, s-a oprit pe plaja, cu mainile facute strasina la ochi si s-a mirat :" Mai, da' unde-i robinetul la apa asta mare !"

La gradinita, dimineata manca :"paine cu unt si puncte de gem "

25

Monica:

3 ani:
Monica picta. Imi arata un desen si eu o laud "Esti o adevarata artista!" La care ea, uitandu-se urat la mine: "Artista esti tu!"


Stiam ca vine doctorul la gradi asa ca incep chestionarul seara:
- A venit doctorul?
Monica: Doctorita!
- Si ce ti-a facut?
Monica: Nimic.
- S-a uitat la tine?
Monica: Da.
- Si ce-a zis?
Monica: Foarte rau ca nu vrei!

4 ani:
Monica cere sa fie luata in brate (de catre bona). Bona o refuza si apoi zice:
- Da' ce mama ta te ia in brate? La care raspunsul prompt:
- Mama nu, dar tata da, ca e fraier!

Mergem la team-building cu colegii lui mami si luam si una bucata femeie in varsta si cam enervanta (Directoarea economica) dar ... care se comporta foarte dragut cu Monica, se joaca cu ea , etc. La un moment dat oprim, Monica culege floricele si ne urcam iar ... o aud pe Monica "Uite o floare urata ca tine!"


Ne jucam in patul conjugal eu si fii-mea, adica ne gadilam, ne pupam, radeam si ne rostogoleam. Vine tati, obosit si morocanos, si se culca langa noi incepand sa ne mormaie sa ne potolim. Monica se revolta si-i spune sa ne lase in pace. Eu incerc sa o potolesc pe fi-mea zicand "Lasa-l mami ca e ursuletul morocanos" la care fi-mea cica "Da, si vine de la vulpe"

=))))))) GENIALA

Monica vorbea cu fina noastra M.
Monica: imi vine o idee geniala!
M: Da? Care?
Monica: Pai stai ca nu mi-a venit inca, imi vine in 5 minute!

=))))

6 ani:
Monica vorbeste cu tatal meu.
- Cum se numesc locurile alea pentru batrani?
- Azile de batrani?
- Da, alea! Tu cand te duci?

- Auzi noi suntem bogati sau saraci?
- Pai nu suntem nici bogati, nici saraci, traim destul de bine, dar nu avem avere.
- Aha, pai atunci poate ne luam si noi inca o servitoare, in afara de tine si Ileana!

25

Monica:
(continuare)

Si o perla de la tati:
Fiind noi 3 la tara la nasi Monicai i s-au rupt pantalonasii intre picioare Embarassed vine tinandu-se cu mana.
Mami: Ce-i? Faci pi-pi?
Monica: nu, am o gaura ...
Tati: Si altele au gaura si nu se tin asa ...

=)))))))))) LOL

7 ani:
- Monica iti mai vine costumul de baie de anul trecut? Sau trebuie sa-i spunem mamei sa-ti ia unul nou?
-Imi mai vine, doar nu mi-a crescut pasarica!

=)))))))))) =))))))))) AHAHAHAHA

- Ce-ati facut azi la romana?
- Ne-a pus sa citim.
- Si ai citit?
- Da.
- Si doamna ce-a zis?
- "Urmatorul"


- Si  ti-a zis ceva d-na azi?
- Da
- Ce?- "In sfarsit ridica si Monica mana"

nikko

Status Intors

˙˙ǝuıq ızǝʌ ıɐɯ nu ɐɔ pǝɹɔ

=)))))))))

mpq

A little girl and a little boy are at daycare. The girl approaches the boy and says: "Hey, Tommy, wanna play house?"

"Sure!" he says: "What do you want me to do?"

The girl replies: "I want you to communicate your thoughts."

"Communicate my thoughts?" says Tommy bewildered: "What's that supposed to mean?"

The little girl smirks and says: "Perfect. You can be the husband."

nikko

mitu2008, bancul propus de tine a fost ales Bancul zilei in data de 28-04-2008.
Il gasesti aici: http://www.diseara.ro/ro/fun/bancuri/bancul-zilei- 2008-04-28.html
Ti-am sters bancul dar poti propune un altul.

nikko

oprisa_cosmin, aceeasi situatie.
http://www.diseara.ro/ro/fun/bancuri/bancul-zilei- 2007-10-15.html
Poti propune un alt banc.

sanmarco

Poli Iasi, bancul cu Divizia A pentru tine a fost sters!
Poti promova la anul!

speedlane

buna ziua  :*:*:*:*

mcngabriel

Bula era corigent in clasa a IV-a la matematica. Vine invatatoarea si ii spune:- Bula daca vrei sa te trec, spune-mi cat fac 4+3!Bula dupa ce numara pe degete, spune bucuros:- 7 doamna invatatoare!- Nesimtitule, in clasa a IV-a numeri pe degete! Baga mainile la spate! Spune-mi cat fac 4+4!Bula intorcandu-se la spate cand pe o parte cand pe alta ca sa poata numara pe degete, spune:- 8 doamna invatatoare!- Nesimtitule, baga mainile in buzunar! Cat fac 5+5?Bula, dupa ce numara degetele prin buzunare, exclama:- 11, doamna invatatoare!!!

Adyctin

Care-i diferenta dintre o bicicleta si o femeie?
Cu bicicleta stai in c** si dai din picioare, cu femeia stai in picioare si dai din c**!

HAIDUCUL1

Bicicleta intii o umfli si apoi te sui. Pe femeie intii te sui si apoi o umfli.

gyovy

Cum se poare spala o persoana sub maini???

alynabest

Boinsoir.

asd

Buna seara lume!...n-ati intrat in febra AC/DC?...

mpq

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.

"Ma," he shouted: "The results are in. I won the election!"

"Honestly?"

The politician's smile faded: "Aw, hell, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"

Eu4ever

va pup. mi-e somn, vineri n-am dormit, sambata am dormit  de la 7 la 10 dim, azi noapte de la 5 dim pana pe la 11 asa...vai mie! va pupa multicolorata!

mpq

A mother is driving her young daughter to her friend’s house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks: "how old are you?"

The mother looks over at the little girl and says: "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, it isn't polite."

"OK," the little girl says: "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says: "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks: "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"

"Enough of your questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother drops her daughter off and leaves her to play with her friend.

"My mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend, a few moments later.

"All you need to do is look at her driver's license," the friend replies: "It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother: "I know you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds," the little girl says.

The mother is past surprise and shock now: "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" she asks.

The little girl continues on triumphantly, "And... I know why you and daddy got divorced."

"Oh really?" the mother asks: "Why is that?"

To which the girl replies: "Because you got an F in sex."

asd

请让一下!谢谢！   不客气你真棒谢谢！
对不起

对不起...