Bancul Zilei

Mistic

Sper sa va placa bancul meu..oricum va las pe voi sa comentatzi!:D:)

Mekerel

Balena mascul se invarte nervos in jurul balenei femela:
- Guvernele tuturor tarilor, sute de organizatii ecologiste, lideri politici de marca, milioane de oameni - toti se lupta ca specia noastra sa supravietuiasca, iar tu imi spui mie ca te doare capul...

shukaru_pity

alyna nu ai cum sa nu stii ca bancu` tau a mai fost postat pe aici de peste 20 de ori.
Esti "veterana" aici si trebuia sa stii,ma dezamagesti :-)

danutza

Proverb chinez:
Cine intreaba este prost pentru cinci minute, dar cine nu intreaba ramane prost pentru totdeauna.

danutza

Ion si Maria faceau dragoste. La un moment dat, Maria catre Ion:
- Ma, Ioane, inima mea!
Ion catre Maria:
- Las-o, Marie, ca o ocolim.

danutza

Suna cineva la usa. Lili striga gafaind prin usa inchisa:
- Cine e?
- Proprietarul. Am venit dupa chirie.
- Reveniti peste o ora, tocmai plateam factura de curent.

NU

Ce animal are patru picioare si o mana?
Un pitbull fericit iesind dintr-o gradinita


Cu 10 ani inainte de razboiul din Kuweit, o ziarista care vizita aceasta tara a remarcat ca femeile mergeau pe strada cu 10 pasi in urma barbatilor. Vizitand din nou Kuweitul la cativa ani dupa razboiul din golf, aceeasi ziarista observa ca barbatii mergeau pe strada la cel putin 10 pasi in urma femeilor. Vazand in aceasta un semn de emancipare a femeilor, ziarista a intrebat ce a reusit sa modifice in asemenea masura comportamentul barbatilor.
Raspunsul a fost : ... minele antipersonal

NU

"Un barbat si o femeie merg pe autostrada si se cearta din cauza infidelitatii barbatului. Dintr-o data, femeia scoasa din minti apuca scula barbatului si o taie, dupa care enervata o arunca pe fereastra. In spatele lor, intr-o masina, un barbat si fetita lui de 7 ani discuta. Dintr-o data, scula se izbeste de parbriz, sta lipita un moment si apoi zboara mai departe. Surprinsa, fetita intreaba:
- Ce era asta, taticule?
Rusinat si nevrand sa discute cu fetita lui subiecte sexuale, omul raspunde:
- Era doar o insecta!
Fetita ramane cu un aer confuz cateva minute si apoi zice:
- In orice caz, avea ditamai scula !!!

- Cum te numesti? Intreaba medicul!
- Popopa Mamamarin.
- Esti balbait?
- Nu, tata era balbait, iar ala care mi-a scris certificatul era un cretin.

NU

Sper sa radeti la bancurile de mai sus.............Cred ca sunt mai bune decat cele propuse.....Parerea mea.

shmeckerasul

bn alynabest

Mistic

Da mei bogdane..e chiar tare bancul cu scula dc nu l`ai postat pe ala??

25

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm f-----g her."

The boss says, "You f--k your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."



:)):)):))
enjoy

stzellaz

c "banc" macabru mai NU...pff urat

Mistic

mda..da` makr ii mai tare k celalalt cu pompe funebre!:))

25

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food."
The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

***

Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class. "Let's set some parameters," the professor said. "What's the opposite of joy?" he asked one student.
"Sadness," he replied.
"The opposite of depression?" he asked another student.
"Elation," he replied.
"The opposite of woe?" the prof asked a young woman from Texas.
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddyup."

**

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, "This taste funny to you?"

lol :))

25

Bob couldn't believe it -- he'd made it to the last round of his favorite game show. "Congratulations, Bob," said the emcee. "Answer correctly and you go home with five million dollars!
"This is a two-part question on American history," he continued. "The second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?"
Bob figured he'd play it safe. "I think I'll try the second part of the question first."
The emcee nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with anticipation.
"Okay, Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

****

I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One said to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets."

**

Do you know what you get when you play a country song backward? You get your job back, you get your house back, your wife back, your truck back ...

:)))))) LOLOLOOLOLOLOL

25

An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. "You were speeding," the cop said. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket."

"Yep," the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.

"These flies are terrible," the trooper complained.

"Yep," the farmer said. "Those are circle flies."

"What's a circle fly?"

"Them flies that circle a horse's ass," answered the farmer. "Them are circle flies."

"You wouldn't be calling me a horse's ass, would you?" The trooper angrily asked.

"Nope, I didn't," the farmer replied. "But you just can't fool them flies.

25

THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A COP WHEN YOU'RE PULLED OVER


• I only had one officer Mr. Keg.

• Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

• Want to race to the station, Sparky?

• I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

• On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

• You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy!

• Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

• Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

• How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

• Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?

• I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!

• Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

• Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!

• Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

25

• I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

• Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

• You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

• "Bad Cop! No Donut!"

• I was trying to keep up with traffic.

• You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?

• "Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

• Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

• Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

• I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

• So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

• Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

• Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

• So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

25

• Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

• When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the camcorder.

• Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

• Aren't you one of the Village People?

• Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!

25

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The copper said, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"

**

Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.

"Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked.

"Nope."

"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.

"Nope."

"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.

"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."

"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"

:)):))))))))))))))))))))) =))))))))))) =))))))))))))

25

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"

And the mother says, "When the baby cries."

So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it."


*********


The chicken and the egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.

The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle".



=))))))) =)))) =)))))))) =))))))
lol

25

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.

His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."

The host said, "Well, to be honest, I've forgotten her name."

******

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, "Who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?"

"That's your father."

"Then who's that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"

**

There were three men: one from Ohio, one from Virginia and one from West Virginia. They all took their wives to dinner for their anniversary. The man from Ohio said, "Pass the honey, honey."

The man from Virgina said, "Pass the sugar, sugar."

And the man from West Virgina said, "Pass the tea, bag!!"

:))

plasture

alynabest, ai postat o vechitura de banc!

V|p3r_m3n

mda :) stiam si eu de mult bancul alynei , unele sunt bune , iar altele foarte bune :)) bancul zilei ... il stiam dar putin schimbat:P

ssymonna

Doi politisti intra intr-un compartiment al trenului:
-Arme? Bani? Droguri?
-Nu, multumesc. O cafea, va rog...

Omul nu e facut sa munceasca!
Dovada: faptul ca oboseste.

Cate persoane lucreaza in biroul acesta?
-Cu sef cu tot, cinci.
-Deci, fara sef, patru?
-A, nuuuu... fara sef nu lucreaza nimeni!

* Dragostea e oarba, dar casatoria ii reda vederea.

* Daca vrei ca sotia sa te asculte cind vorbesti, vorbeste cu alta femeie. O
sa fie numai ochi si urechi.

Motto-ul zilei de MIERCURI:
Daca cineva rade, razi impreuna cu el!
Daca cineva canta, canta impreuna cu el!
Daca cineva lucreaza, lasa-l sa lucreze

Politia rutiera, la locul accidentului, explica intr-un interviu TV despre
importanta purtarii centurii de siguranta:
- Uitati-va la acest om care nu a purtat centura: capul rupt, intestinele pe
parbriz, ochii in pom, fara maini. In schimb, uitati-va si la cel care a
purtat centura: parca-i viu!

ssymonna


Mai degraba as putea sa impac intreaga Europa, decat doua femei.
Ludovic al XIV-lea

Atata timp cat o femeie poate sa arate cu 10 ani mai tanara decat fiica ei, ea este perfect multumita.
Oscar Wilde

In spatele oricarui barbat de succes, se afla o femeie, iar in spatele ei se afla sotia barbatului.
Groucho Marx

Nu am mai vorbit cu nevasta mea de ani de zile. Nu am vrut sa o intrerup.
Rodney Dangerfield

Unul dintre cele mai dificile lucruri este sa convingi o femeie ca pana si chilipirurile costa.
Edgar Watson Howe

Un psihiatru este o persoana care iti pune multe  intrebari contra cost, intrebari pe care nevasta le pune pe gratis.
Joey Adams

O femeie stie ca poarta rochia potrivita atunci cand barbatul ei vrea sa i-o dea jos.
Robert Paul

Femeile ne-au facut sa pierdem Raiul, dar il regasim de multe ori in bratele lor.
De Finod

Daca iubirea este raspunsul, puteti sa repetati intrebarea?
Lily Tomlin

Mistic

Ff fain bancu` lu` Simona!!BV!!:)

plasture

ssymonna draga, cat pe ce sa strici bancul!

Mistic

Si ce propui mha dak bancu`i mai vechi k mine??!! Dak tu ai catzi ani scrie k ai acol` shi stai shi te bagi in seama pe net cu remarci de`astea de tot kktu` eshti un mare ratat!!;)

Mistic

Vreau sa spun k dak la 19 ani tu itzi pierzi timpu` pe net..eshti chiar penal!!

jeddah

misto toate bancurile de azi, chiar daca pe unele le-am mai auzit! tot te fac sa zambesti!

Rolina

Ale3n bancul tau e interesant, insa daca pui virgula dupa "are" propozitia n-are sens, e gresit gramatical... din cauza genurilor... :D.. deci singura varianta ramane sa puna toata lumea virgula dupa "femeia"  ;))