Bancul Zilei

Rococolila

Doua calugarite au iesit de la manastire ca sa vanda prajituri.
Una era sora Matematica (M), si cealalta sora Logica (L).

M : Se apropie noaptea si suntem inca departe de manastire.
L: Sora, ti-ai dat seama ca ne urmareste un barbat de peste o jumatate de ora?
M : Da, ce o vrea de la noi?
L: Este logic. Vrea sa ne violeze.
M: Oh Doamne! Calculez ca daca continuam sa mergem in acest ritm, ne va ajunge in 15 minute. Ce putem face?
L: Unicul lucru logic pe care il putem face este sa mergem mai repede !!!
M : Nu cred sa functioneze asta !!!
L: Bineinteles ca nu, pentru ca si el a facut ultimul lucru logic pe care-l putea face, a inceput si el sa mearga mai repede !!!
M : Si acum, ce vom face? O sa ne ajunga intr-un minut.
L : Unicul lucru logic pe care il putem face este sa ne separam, d-voastra o luati pe acolo si eu pe aici; nu va putea sa ne urmareasca pe amandoua!

Atunci, barbatul s-a decis s-o urmareasca pe sora Logica. Sora Matematica a ajuns la manastire preocupata de ceea ce i s-o fi intamplat sorei Logica, dar dupa un timp a sosit si sora Logica.

M : Sora Logica!!. Multumesc lui D-zeu ca ati ajuns cu bine. Povestiti-mi ce s-a intamplat?.
L : S-a intamplat ceea ce era logic. Barbatul nu putea sa ne urmareasca pe amandoua, asa ca a optat pentru mine.
M : Si, ce s-a intamplat dupa aceea?
L : Ceea ce era logic. Am inceput sa fug cat mai repede, si el dupa mine, la fel.
M : Si?
L : Din nou ceea ce era logic. M-a ajuns.
M : Dumnezeule, si d-voastra ce ati facut?
L: Am facut ceea ce era logic, mi-am ridicat fusta.
M : Dumnezeule, si omul ce a facut?
L : Si el a facut ceea ce era logic, si-a dat jos pantalonii
M : Oh, nu!. Ce s-a intamplat dupa aceea?
L : Pai nu este logic sora? O calugarita cu fusta ridicata fuge mult mai repede decat un barbat cu pantalonii in vine !

mpq

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

mpq

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

mpq

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his news paper and began reading.

After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

mpq

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope.

It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence.

So this kindly old lady looked upon Death's door, and said to her papal neighbour, "Father, surely you can do something about this."

To which the Pope replied, "Sorry lady, I'm in sales, not management."

mpq

An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.

After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you actually ever tasted it?"

The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."

Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too, I know you're suposed to be celibate. But...."

The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."

There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"

maryjan

neatza buna

sanmarco

Azi e 13 Martie!

mcngabriel

Ce "rautati" poate spune o femeie unui barbat gol:
Uaaa ce dragalas este!!!
Lasa ca gasim noi o pozitie.
Pot sa fiu cinstita cu tine?
Ahh, acum imi dau seama de ce ti-ai luat un Porsche.
Daca il udam poate mai creste
Aha. Dar e totusi functionala, nu?
Pare cam nefolosita.

Rococolila

Salutari !
Imagine ataşată pauza de cafea :)

felipes1

bonjur

felipes

hahaha

mpq

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.

He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank.

He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Well, in that case...send the bill to my brother-in-law!"

mpq

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....

Liver alone. Cheese mine.

mpq

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. She laid her pet on the table. The vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's heart. "I'm so sorry; your pet duck has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," the vet replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again.

The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "150!" she cried. "150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been twenty dollars. But, what with the Lab Report and the CAT scan, it all adds up."

mpq

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy,

"Where did you get that turkey?"

The boy replied, "What turkey?"

The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."

The boy look down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"

The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?

The little boy said, "I guess I'll kiss his ass and let him go."

mpq

A Rabbi, a Monk, and a lawyer are riding down the road when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.

Spotting a farmhouse they walk over and tell the farmer they need a place to stay the night while they wait for a tow.

"I've got room in the house for two of you but someones gonna have to sleep in the barn." says the farmer.

The Rabbi say's, "I've no problem with that, I'll go." He leaves.

Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the Rabbi is there.

He says, "Sir there is a pig in that barn; in my religion pigs are unclean, I cannot sleep under the same roof with a pig."

The Monk speaks up and says, "I have no problem with pigs I'll go sleep in the barn." He leaves.

Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the Monk is there.

"Sir there is a cow in that barn; in my religion cows are sacred, I cannot sleep under the same roof with a cow.

The lawyer responds, "I'll go sleep in the barn, I've got no religion." He leaves.

Five minutes later theres a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and the pig and the cow are standing there ...

Adyctin

Google Translate iar a dat-o-n bara...adica ce mi-e florin salam ce mi-e Akon...
Imagine ataşată